I Am A Witness!

Tomorrow My Sweetheart will turn 66.  This morning I awakened with the thought...I was called to be a special witness of his life.  I met him when we were in the summer before our senior year in high school.  The year was 1964, the year President Kennedy died and in the same season.  The year we turned 17.  So when we met I was just barely 17 and he was about to turn 17.  That couple of months difference in our age has been a rub on me all our lives together.  He starts pouring it on around my birthday and then falls silent about age about this time every year.  Every time we meet someone new he makes sure they know he married an older woman.  So predictable!  I can count on it.  When I met him he was sweet and loving and wonderful.  Now he is all of those things times 50 years.

One of the most wonderful thing about a 50 year long relationship is the character witness you become of that person and his or her life.  That person becomes "Your Person!"  No one knows their character, their strengths and weaknesses more than someone who has spend 50 years observing their companion in every conceivable situation.  No one knows the vulnerability of that person better than you do.  What a privilege to know things that no one else does about just one individual on the planet like you do.  It is to be more than a wife but an actual witness to the life of another because you have shared it, day in and day out, year after year after year.  The good times, the bad times, the extraordinary, exhilarating highs and the sorrows and vicissitudes of life in mortality that bring you to the depths of despair.  You face your faith and your deepest fears together, you experience the most heavenly joy.  You are yoked in your live, in your commitment, in your love.

No one has the power that your person does to lift you or bring you down in the same way.  It is more than friendship, more than a marriage, more than the big things that happen as you experience life together.  It is your spirituality, it is all your foundational beliefs, it is your beautiful family, it is romance, it is your life plan together, your struggles, your happiness and all the wonderful people you meet along the way that become more than friends.  It is also the bills to pay, the decisions you make together and on your own that affect your person as much as they do you.  It's the day to day labors, aches and pains, the joy of accomplishment and the comforting when defeated.  It is going with the flow, it is preparing for the inconvenient, it's putting up with the quirky imperfections and loving in spite of them...being past that time when you thought you could change your person to be more like you.  It is sheltering and being loyal, it is protecting and helping and doing things together...even when it is not your favorite thing to do.  It is gifting your person with what they need even when you own reserves are rather low.  It is holding hands.  A lot of holding hands and going forward as one.  And it is a process, often arduous...of acceptance, refinement of yourself and tenacity.  It is a lot of learning and traveling and building...always building..your life together.

Jim is an amazingly intense Italian.  I am half Welsh, more relaxed, more reflective while he's constantly on the go always planning his next adventure.  We are both organized and planners don't get me wrong, but he works it as only he can.  I can work as hard as he does but standing side by side it never looks that way.  He is a ball of wild energy...you can feel it when he walks in a room.  I like one on one interactions with people best...he likes a big group.  I have said it before...he is a dash and I am a dot.  I'd rather write a book, he'd rather scale a mountain.  Many would say we are an unlikely pair.  We have even said it ourselves as we have grown from a couple of starry-eyed teenagers in love (just two years older than our oldest grandchildren right now) into the people we have become today.  But somehow life-long love and commitment changes everything.

Especially when you add 50 years worth of common experiences shared with no other, you love all the same people, and you have the same eternal goals.  We are both Swedish and it may be there that we have found our common ground.  That and The Gospel of Jesus Christ, our posterity and ancestors, and our love for all the great people in our lives.  We have built a life on our love of it together, and hope in our future.  And all of it is laced with gratitude for all of our blessings and a desire to serve others in remembrance of all we have been given.  Even the hard times when our rough edges and barnacles have been ruthlessly scraped away one after the other, until we have come to a better understanding of what our life is all about. 

As I was looking through pictures the other day I found this one above of us.  It is rather goofy and one of those arm's length ones you take when no one else is there to do it for you.  I love this picture because it was a moment that I remember exactly how I felt when it was taken.  I felt completely happy, extreme contentment and the joy of this relationship I have been talking about in this post.  It was his birthday a few years ago and we were walking through the fallen leaves at St. Mary's College campus.  It was an afternoon of just him and me and it was magnificently beautiful that day.

The thing I love most about the thoughts and feelings I am having today is that I know they are real.  They are unclouded by anything hurtful...just the pleasantness of where we have come because we kept on keeping on.  We didn't give up, we kept moving to this joy-filled place.  If there is any message in it, it is what a lovely time of life this is.  I love my husband, my special person like no other.  And I want to witness many more birthdays with him.  God isn't finished with us yet and we are in it for the duration of this earth life and beyond.  And whatever happens it will be good, all good.  And I am thankful for him and who he is and is yet to become.

Serendipity Dream Comes True!

After seeing the Magnolia Plantation in the morning I was thinking about my favorite plantation of all time.  I wondered where North and South was filmed and where that plantation was.  We discussed it and neither of us knew so we of course Googled it.

Now of course I do believe in serendipity and divine intervention and this was simply spectacular.  The Lord blesses us with tender mercies just tailored to us many times and sometimes they are not about earth shattering things.  Occasionally it is just something He knows we would love because he knows and loves us personally.  The very place where the mini-series was filmed was just down the road, not ten miles from our hotel and in Mount Pleasant, South Carolina!

We were planning to get up early the next morning and go downtown and take some better photos and then head down to Savannah.  But...course correction on the spot!  We planned an excursion to the Plantation.  It is called Boone Hall.  I cannot imagine why...this place will always be Mont Royal to me.  I always called it Mount Royal but all the references say Mont, so Mont it is.   I could hardly sleep, I was that excited about the coming day.

There are fabulous vacation day and then there are really fabulous vacations days.  This time we spent in the south and east had several over the top days.  The one I am going to write about today was one magnificent day for us! 

First a little background on what made it so incredible!  If you know me at all you know I love movies.  They have to be good movies, ones that uplift and teach and warm the heart.  I love the romantic, the historical, the enlightening.  And I adore character development.  I have many favorites.  However, North and South, the mini-series with Patrick Swayze and Leslie Ann Downs is way up top on my list of elevating stories.  There are dozens of top names in this film.  I highly recommend it without reservation.

This moment below may come to mind for those fans reading this post.  These star-crossed lovers have a real wild ride through this series.  Expect emotions to be all over the place as you watch it.  I  know a lot about Patrick Swayze and this is who I think he really was.  This nice, sweet gentle man.  A man of honor, kindness and principle.  And a man willing to sacrifice all for his woman, his family and his home.  This is the role I will always remember best of his and I have seen a lot of his work.  What a tragedy for him to die so young.  He was a man of many talents and sorely missed by many.

Orry Main played by Patrick Swayze 

and Madelaine played by Leslie Anne Downs!

These two were electrifying

Oh my heck!

As beautiful as their love story was it was secondary to me to the love between Orry and George as they remained friends through thick and thin during the Civil War.  Classmates at Westpoint they fought on opposing sides a few years later during the war.  I cannot tell you how many times I have watched this series.  I saw an interview with James Read who played George Hazzard and he had white hair and was all the more handsome even as he aged.  He said that to this day he will walk down a street and someone will holler out..."Hey George!"  With that gorgeous smile of his he conceded that he thought that was about the greatest thing he could have happen.

Orry and George

So the scenery is gorgeous, the fashions of the day...stunning, and the scenes in Charleston made me want to visit there some time in my life.   All of that was realized on this trip plus actually getting to go and see the plantation with my own two eyes.  I told Jim if we only got to see the part of the plantation where Orry rides up to the house on his stallion, I would have realized a dream I never even thought of as a possibility.  So with that in mind, I'll close this post and begin another immediately telling you about the most wonderful Plantation of all.

FOR A SNEAK PEEK AT WHEN ORRY 

MEETS MADELAINE FOR THE FIRST TIME

CLICK HERE  

Disclaimer# 1:  You won't be able to resist watching the whole  series!

Disclaimer #2  My only complaint with it is that there are three books to this story by John Jakes and it should have ended after book 2.  The last book almost seems like it was written by another person or just tagged on to perhaps, at some point,  extend the story in a different direction.  I always stop watching at the end of book 2 where there is a natural ending. 

I ran across the soundtrack to the series and if you loved it like I did the memories will flow like a rushing waterfall over your soul.  You can find it here.   Sound Track to North and South!  Or here if you are a subscriber  http://youtu.be/TA3NHC3c8ik  Marie, this one is for you!  Sometimes I like to open a second browser and listen to music while blogging.  That is exactly what I did while preparing this post for you.

About Aging Gracefully

All photos via Pinterest

There are so many joys as we age!  I know that there is controversy about this but I am standing up in favor of it.  I have heard people scoff at The Golden Years.   But then I have heard people scoff at and expound upon most everything.  People's attitudes can often gravitate to the negative no matter the issue.  The thing is~our reality is what we think it is, true or not.  That is the bottom line.  The greatest gift of agency we have is we get to actually create our own world here and now.  I didn't know that when I was young.  Lacking that knowledge is tantamount to giving your power away to every wind that blows past you.  Life needs to be proactive, not reactionary and that begins in your head. 

It has occurred to me very poignantly again recently that we literally create our own reality.  This is something I have to keep re-learning.  Of course I know it intellectually, but every once in a while, I realize anew that my emotional development is lagging behind in this area.  When I feel myself slipping into emotional pain, whining or grousing about something or someone, I have to stop and ask myself, "Is this concern even real?"  Seriously.  Oh, if we could only get back the hours we have wasted fretting and stewing, even crying over things we thought were true, with no substantial shred of evidence whatsoever. That is worrying needlessly.  That is being faithless...towards God, ourselves and others.

My least favorite space to be with anyone else is wondering where I stand with them.  My own insecurities can get me to a point of being all tangled up over things I think might be true.  This is not good; this combination of insecurity and an active imagination!   The tint of my view of the world is just plain off at times and based on nothing but my fears.  I am learning I can choose to think well of eventual outcomes and that there are many variables when I am feeling a dissonance in a situation.  I didn't know this when I was young.  I thought my every feeling was accurate.  Not so.  We need to get use to being wrong and humbly being taught by life.  That polishing comes in our Golden Years.  I am voting for it. 

I have spent a lot of time wondering about why I struggle with these types of insecurities but, I have decided it pretty much doesn't matter.  It is what it is, as they say, based on what was in the past.  However, in my future I have the power to just stop doing the negative thinking and to choose happier, more productive thoughts.  Like an artist with a brush we can paint a picture that makes us feel so much happier.

This goes beyond Pollyanna's positive thinking.  It is consciously allowing ourselves to consider something and choosing to think good thoughts rather than just automatically assuming the worst.  It is choosing not to borrow trouble prematurely.  It is choosing not to worry and fret.  It is aging gracefully.  It's letting life teach us something new instead of just reacting in the identical way every time something happens.  It is knowing that if you don't change something, nothing will change.  The key word there is YOU!

It is having faith in other people.  It is loving in a different way. It is realizing that loving is what we give and maybe don't always get in return.   The real joy is in the giving of it and how selflessly loving uplifts us no matter what.  It is growing up and being an adult.  It is cutting others a little slack and more importantly, cutting ourselves some too.  Ta da...aging gracefully.

It is letting go of the things that have held us captive, by using our own power to change our paradigms or ways of thinking.  And let's face it head-on.  It is letting go of all our doubts and fears. It's trusting God, ourselves and others and loving life unconditionally.  Life is never going to be perfect here but it can be perceived in a much better way.

The Golden Years!  Bring 'em on.  Let the light and love within you make a difference.  It is a time to take more control of our own happiness, to savor what we have learned and to be a mentor in what can often seem like a dark world.  It is a time to be a good example of a happy survivor in this life. It's time to share what we have and to give back in ways we couldn't do in our youth.   As we experience life's joys and trials on our own and watch others do the same, we grow a lovely heart...full of compassion, understanding and wisdom and love that is for giving away.

It is a time of fully accepting yourself, not reinvented as the world would have you be~but as you really are.  The way God so beautifully made you, unique and incredibly special in your own way...His way, the right way.

When you look back you can see how far you have come and appreciate it. You are not perfect but you are making good progress.   And you can look ahead with more faith and longing for these really good days you are now discovering.  You will find more joy in the simple things that really matter.  You will know them if you are aging gracefully. 

I have never been one to say, "Oh boy, I sure wish I was 25  again!"  But looking back on all the stages of my life so far...when I am really ancient, I do feel I might just wish I could return to this time.  In this phase of life of more freedom where I still have my health and facilities and the ability to contribute to the world in my own unique ways.  And when I am that old I just hope I will be able to remember how wonderful life is right now, right here in this moment of contentment and joy that I am feeling today.  If I don't will someone please read this to me?

The Golden Years for me are a time of deeper and more meaningful love, compassion, joy in the beauties around me and more faith in God then ever before.  That same beauty and faith bring me closer to the surface with my tears, that come more easily now.  Joy and everything else is felt much more deeply than ever before.  I have finally figured out how to live each day more fully and be truly in it.

This is a place I want to stay for as long as I live.  I know that is probably not to be, so I am capturing my thoughts like a Kodak moment here today.  Aging gracefully is what it is all about.  Trusting in the Lord and His plan for you and me and submitting to His will.  In the scriptures it tells us that, "..Men are that they might have joy." 2 Nephi 2:25

By seeking for the joyful parts of this life, in a conscious way through our thoughts, we can create a world that allows us to fill the measure of our own creation.  We will find and experience that joy for which we were created in the first place!  We do, in fact, choose our view each day. I like the plan....don't you?

I could have used an understanding of this at 20...but that could not have been. The journey had only  just begun.   That is what I love and embrace about getting older.  And the absolute crowning jewel is doing it along side of my best friend and golden husband, whom I choose to see as perfect for me!

~About Me~A Permanent Page

Have you ever noticed that you can create permanent pages that are always accessible from the home page of your blog?  If you just look under the header photo above you can see some links.  One of them says, "About Me."  Blogger gave us this option a few years ago as a way of replacing that little "about me" section on the side bar.  I really like it as it gives you more options of telling about who you really are beyond your favorite movies, books, and hobbies.

This morning as I was changing my header photo I noticed them and decided it was time for me to write a little something in the About Me section since it has been two years ago that I had started it. I had every intention of adding to it but I never did. But today I have.  I am including it here in hopes that you might also want to do this sometime on your own blog and also that what I have learned might be beneficial to someone else.  If you click on About Me in the link above you can read part one of this section.


I also want to update my permanent 1000 Gifts page on that link bar under the photo of the street where we live in the header.  I'll put that on my "to do list with no deadline." 

Moi~Autumn 2012~Napa, CA

One of the things I have noticed is how much more you can grow into the person you were meant to be at this stage in our lives.  There is time to develop and nurture one's special interests in ways that never existed during the years of working constantly, raising a family, building a nest and a nest egg and caring for aging parents.

It is now January 11, 2013 and we continue to love being retired but have found that lots of new things have been filling our time, mostly volunteer work.  And yet on some very basic level we have guarded and maintained time for self, each other, friends and family and pursuing our own personal development.

The novelty of this kind of freedom does not wear off.  Each morning we awaken with an awareness of what a blessing it is and an excitement to be alive.  Each morning we also awaken to the more sure knowledge of God's love for us, his personal knowledge of who we are, our needs, and that he hears and answers our prayers.  Life gets more precious and more thrilling on this side of the hill.  When you stop to smell the roses you also worship and honor The Gardener in a different way than during earlier decades.  You take notice of the wonders of the earth and life itself in a more intense way.  I love this stage in life.  Depending upon your perspective and your attitude these really can be the golden years.

 I have pretty much learned through countless experiences that life is exactly what you make of it and as Lincoln said, you will be as happy and contented as you make up your mind to be.  Cliches are cliches for a reason...they are the compilation of many people's unique experiences that resonate with a common idea.  "As a man thinketh in his heart so is he." Many have put that biblical verse to the test and found it to be absolute truth.

One of the things that I am adamant about is having some fun and free time in these autumn years.  It seems that was out of balance in our spring and summer seasons of life as we tried to always keeps things running a little too intensely.  We lived by the notion that, "First we work and then we play."  Hmmm, that was not exactly right I am afraid.  It took us on a slightly unbalanced way of doing business.  Progression is one thing, perfectionism quite another.  Working too many long, hard days with not nearly enough breathers and recreational activities and rarely any relaxation time is not healthy.  I have learned that relaxing is not just sleeping.

For me true relaxation is a conscious awareness that at that particular moment nothing is pressing on me and that I have choices about how to spend my time.  It may very well be that I choose to work during that free time but with the notion that I am not forced to do it.  It is not that some self or other imposed giant clock is ticking and I am rushing to yet another deadline that will only be replaced by another when I am done.  That kind of day to day madness is like stringing beads onto a thread with no knot at the end.  We all know work is never done.  We spent too much time being human doings instead of human beings. But that has changed and has made all the difference in the world as to how I feel, my blood pressure and general well-being and my cheerfulness.

I like to take time to enjoy my solitude.  This is essential to a person who is an introvert.  {If you wonder if you too might be an introvert read this article.}  This is where I gain my energy to go back out into the world and do more service, be more social, accomplish more learning, have more energy each day.  This notion of recharging my batteries that is now like a fountain of living water for me was non-existent in my earlier life.  It is where I can discover, savor and appreciate my blessings and my joy.

If I could pin my occasional feelings of being frustrated, exhausted, and confused as a very busy younger person, it would be on the fact that I didn't take enough time to know myself well enough to know what I actually needed.  I know this is very common for both women and men in the earlier years and it is one of the most important lessons I would like to pass on to our children as I watch them frantically 'doing it all.'  Be busy, be productive, keep learning and growing and serving but find the balance in it.  Know thyself and to thine own self be true.  An empty cup cannot fill another.

 

For me one of the most important things I have been able to do is write.  I need to write as often as I possibly can.  It helps me sort things out, and know myself in ways that the fragmented, brain chatter inside my head does not accomplish.  I need to get things out in full sentences and analyze them through the things that just flow out of me when I put my hands on the keyboard.  I want our children and grandchildren to find their own "keyboard" whatever that may be, earlier in life than I did.  It would be something that creates joy on its own merit and self-awareness and balance and true happiness.  To find their treasure they will have to first find their time to reflect and pursue it.  God grant them this blessing is my prayer for them today.