Civility~The Forgotten Virtue

We are not on the planet alone!

I have been thinking a lot about civility for some time and have been wanting to share some thoughts here about it. As defined by Gordon B. Hinckley in his book, Standing For Something,"Civility carries with it the essence of courtesy, politeness, and consideration of others. All of the education and accomplishments in the world will not count for much unless they are accompanied by marks of gentility, of respect for others, of going the extra mile."


Sometimes I feel like I live in two different worlds. There is our circle of wonderful friends and family like you and our amazing church community, co-workers and neighbors for whom we have the highest regard. They are loving and caring and wonderful people~courteous, respectful and always willing to serve their fellowman. Then there is the world outside of that that is a whole different ball game.

How is the world treating you these days? It seems that we are living among a society of people that is losing its civility; the common courtesy that would truly make life better. When out and about we constantly hear "Have Nice Day" but do we contribute to that "Nice Day" in a real way for each other? Or has it just become a phrase with no meaning whatsoever? I think I can answer my own question on that~to quote the Righteous Brothers...it seems we've lost that lovin' feeling. It is a nice gesture but so often they are just empty words.

I like to do a little social experimenting when I go out in public these days. As I do some people watching, I repeatedly see that we live in an angry, impatient, selfish era. I purposely smile, use my best manners, etc. and people are absolutely rude most of the time. I have noticed that if I say "excuse me," or "thank you," make eye contact or whatever...people look at me like I am an alien or they totally ignore the interaction.

To be fair this is of course, not everyone but I see it so often it is disturbing. People are constantly posturing and putting up their defenses. I hope it is not that way where you live. What is really disturbing when I do these little experiments is that after a child gets past the baby stage they are the same way. Next time you go shopping just try to get a four year old to smile back at you. One will smile while four will just scowl.

Letting someone in will not get you there that much later!

I also see it in families. I hate it when people yell at their kids and speak so demeaningly to them, anywhere, but especially when it is in public and adds to their humiliation as well as hurting their feelings. You see disrespect for people and their property just about everywhere. Has anyone keyed your car lately, cut you off in traffic, stolen something of yours, or been sarcastic? Do they text and talk loudly on their phones and play their car stereos for you constantly with absolutely no regard for what you might be doing?? Do they litter up your yard, "borrow" your newspaper, or use filthy language in your presence or blow smoke in your face? I see that here a lot. Annoying, isn't it? The flagrant disregard for others is so sad. It is a 'me first' type of world and the heck with anyone else. And when people feel anonymous they are even more rude.


Call me old-fashioned, but I like nice people. I also like to be nice. And I know that any changes need to start with each individual. So I am going to continue to be practicing civility in public and in private because if it helps one person have a better day...that is worth it...even if it is only me. I am a bit of a Pollyanna in this way, but I just want the whole world to be a nicer place. What is so hard about being nice...living by the Golden Rule?? That is just the way I want the world to be. I know I do not always get what I want, but I still keep trying to do my part. I am getting a little jaded about it though. But I will just continue being nice because I know it is the right thing to do.

I don't mean this to sound like a totally negative post and I know someday I will write one about the magnanimous and benevolent characteristics of total strangers. But for today, I would just like to see more kindness in the small things in life. A checker that says 'thank you' when you leave their check stand with the bags that keep them employed, someone that lets you in a long line of traffic, smiles for no good reason except to be kind, etc.


I often think about how kindness is a valued virtue in the south. I loved visiting there when Laura and Robert were in Mississippi. Kindness and gentility still exist somewhere. I observed people are more genuine and civil. I just like that. What does it hurt to just be nice?

Instead of just having a good day...we can make it a good day. It doesn't take that much effort to scatter a little sunshine all along your way! And if these people can't muster that up, I do wish they would at least be civil and decent! Life is tough enough as it is, we need to lift each other along the way. I am thankful for all of you that already do!