Melancholy Baby

It has been seven years today since my mom left this earth life for a better place with our Savior. It has been a long seven years without her near. I thought I'd re-post what I wrote last year. Cannot let the day go by without you all knowing how special she was and what lies within my heart and soul today.....

I have been thinking about my mother more than usual lately. This month marks the 6th year anniversary of her death. The first thought that I had this morning when I awakened was that when your mother dies, a big piece of you goes with her. Ironically, she also become a bigger part of you at the exact same time. There is that big hole in your heart, a quiet, sacred place where she will always remain. I often think of the ways that she lead and gently guided and always walked beside me.

I was struck with the feeling that there really cannot be a closer bond than that of mother and child, it is such a special and unique love. I am not saying it is more important than your love for your spouse, I am just saying the unconditional love for our spouse is something we strive for all of our lives and a lot of conditions are placed on that love. There must be trust, fidelity, etc., etc. I like to think in most cases of motherhood, selflessness is just a part of it from the beginning. For a good mother...the babies wants and needs and comfort always come first.

I think the mother/child relationship is the first place in our lives where we can feel and understand what unconditional love really is. It is the first place we get an inkling of how we are loved by God. I know not everyone has this kind of mother or is this kind of mother, but the potential is really there in the mother/child relationship like no other.

I am blessed to have a mother that knew and understood this. She was my biggest fan, my confidante, my very special friend and always there for me. In so many ways she truly gave her life for me and I miss her. Often times when I am just feeling melancholy...if I search my soul I find I am either thinking of her or one of our own children and missing them.

On Sunday we were reading and discussing the last verse in the Old Testament in Sunday School. Here is one of the places where family relationships are put into to their proper perspective. If the hearts of the fathers and the hearts of the children are not turned to each other the earth will be smitten with a curse. I know this verse has various layers of meaning but perhaps we are already seeing some of this 'smiting' in our world right now.

Of course fathers are very important too. The relationship is just as vital, but different. There is just something so cellular about carrying and delivering a baby that makes motherhood so sacred and unique. But even more important than that is the service mothers render to children. Through that service that natural love that is born at the birth grows by leaps and knows no bounds.

I have long recognized that when my mother was old and infirmed and I cared for her that my love for her grew in the same way. Without that service for the 12 years she lived after her brain surgery, I would have never loved her in the ways I do now. I am grateful to our Father in heaven for his plan, for eternal families and for the potential for joy that can be found in each one.

What did you notice as your first thoughts this morning? For me the morning time is a great time of reflection and thought. As soon as the day gets going I tend to just muddle through putting out fires and working on my to do list. But in the morning comes the most clarity of thought in my day. I guess that makes me a lark...rather than a night owl....and a bit of a melancholy baby when thinking about my beloved mother today.

Passed from this life to a better one
on November 15, 2003