Happy Father's Day~Daddy!

This is my Dad, Ross.  He was a magnificent human being.  Always so kind and gentle and calm.  He was extremely bright and funny.  He was self-assured but not pushy, boastful or egotistical.  He lead by quiet example.  He was a corporate executive, a WWII Veteran, and a loyal member of his church (Lutheran Church, Missouri Synod) where he served regularly in many capacities.

My Dad was the epitome of stability and comfort to me.  He treated my mother and his mother so sweetly and was a good family man.  He was sports-minded and played every sport well that I ever saw him play.  He had a precious sense of humor and his laugh was infectious.  He died at almost 62 from his second heart attack.  It was sudden and unexpected in 1979.  It was a devastating shock to our family, we miss him still.  My Dad will never be forgotten by those of us who knew him best and loved him deeply.  They don't come any finer than he was.  I love you, Dad!  Thank you for a good start in life.  You cared for us so well and never gave us a worry about anything.  It was a happy childhood. Very happy.

Happy Anniversary To Us!

46 years ago on June 15,1968, I married my best friend. It has been a very good life. Many blessing, many struggles and it's been perfect because we did it all together. This is our wedding night as we were leaving our reception. Since we dated for four years, it is really our 50th year together. 

The secrets...Pray together every day and never give up on each other and your commitment to your dreams. And give each other the space you need to become who you were meant to be together and as individuals.  Have love for God, each other and your children and grandchildren and dear friends. Believe in miracles and live the Gospel to the best of your ability.  Work hard at whatever you choose to do...God will take care of the rest.  BnJ

Living Purposefully

The sun has come out and melted the snowballs

This is a Flashback post from one year ago with an introduction.  Reporting in that the "Aha Moment" has actually changed how I am living my life a year later.  I am more aware and more authentic and more happy as I have stopped doing this snowball thing described below with myself quite a bit.  It has helped me to be more of who I was meant to be and less of what everyone else's perceived notion of who we all should be.

We are busy creatures, constantly running to an imaginary finish line victory ribbon in a race.  Just as you approach the ribbon of winning and being finished, it keeps moving farther away as you dash towards it.  It is elusive and nearly untouchable.  You can never plough through it and break it.

There is always something that needs to be done, people to serve, projects to complete, duties, obligations, and sociality and the like.  That is life but we need to slow in down, pause and reflect on what we do. And for crying out loud, enjoy life a little more!  We have got to stop glorifying busyness.  Busyness does not equate to being more important.  It is more the case that the busyness distracts us from the more important.

 Do I have a gillion things I should and could be doing today?  Yep.  Am I doing them right this second...actually yes.  I am doing something for my soul.  Like a steaming kettle I am releasing some of my creativity into cyber space via this blog post.  Is it earth shattering and important?  Not terribly.  And I am OK with that.  That would not have been the case years ago.  First we work and then we play was the adage we lived by. Guess what? We didn't play much.

Remember the old saying "Stop the world, I want to get off?"  Well just for the record...I'm off.  And guess what else?  I am actually more productive than before.  Why?  Because I don't feel trapped or coerced by a vicious cycle I cannot break.  Because I get to make choices about how I live instead of letting a frenetic schedule choke me and my enthusiasm with the " Have To Do's.  I make the things I feel are most important my priority now.  Most of those include serving someone else in a particular way.  They do not include a bunch of obligations (mostly social) when I feel I should do something or be someplace just because it is expected by someone else.  If I want to go someplace I do because I actually want to...what a concept!

Don't get me wrong.  Some people love that type of living and that is fine for them.  But not for me. Truth be told most of my most beloved people are highly wired, super busy brilliant people.   If you love that life style you live it happily.  Jim says the trick is to not necessarily do everything you want, but being happy in everything you do.  If you are not, you stop and tweak it.  That is being authentic, it is knowing who you are.  It does not mean you are lazy if you cut some things out anymore than being an introvert means being shy.

 It means you know how you work best, you embrace it and you are happier.  I feel so much more healthy and purposeful in what I do because I examined my life and made it work better for me. Well, that was longer than I anticipated when I began, but here the post from last year.

Flashback!

Snowball AKA Project Deadline

I was talking with my friend last night at work.  We were bemoaning all the things that always seem to be pressing down on us, turning up the pressure and stress levels.  She was saying how she just needs a day to relax and have nothing to do.  Paraphrasing here...then she added but when I actually get one it, it is not that great.  That made me think about how that happens to me too.

It seems we have become so accustomed to the running that we don't know what to do with a slow day.  It is almost incomprehensible that there is not something that must be done today or that someone doesn't want something!  Surely that cannot be!

I started to think about how we live...there is one project to complete after another.  It is how most of us roll.  Have our lives become To Do Lists and Projects and Deadlines?  Kinda! As I work I am usually thinking... I am half done, almost done...done!  My brain is always running the calendar of events in my head and how I need to do XYZ to be ready.  And I always know what time it is.

So this morning I realized I really only have today to work on my family history!  I was so overwhelmed with; where to start what to do first, how I need to buy more folders as my paper files are getting way too full, I need to write some lessons for my classes, and I want to work on my own genealogy and organize the papers that have been piling up about the Mayflower and get all that in its place....yada, yada yada.  Oh and I want to blog, and research some things on Wikipedia and I have to try hard to finish up on the vacation adventure posts in my spare time.  Oh yeah, and there are all the things I have around the house.  The never-ending watering flowers (ugh!)  cleaning, cooking, you know how it is. 

Then came my AHA!  "Bonnie life is more than just project after endless project."  Life is not a project marathon.  Life is a process.  It is a process of accomplishing things a little at a time while not killing yourself in the process.  It is working on something and finding the joy, not the time clock.  It is balancing the 'have to' moments with the 'want to' moments.   It is having those days we call the "days with nothing to do" be the days of doing plenty, but just what we want to do...not just what we have to do.

 I am not suggesting never doing what we need to do, that would be very irresponsible.  But rather balancing that with the special want to do days.  May I be so bold as to suggest the kind of day when you do something just for you?  That can even include doing for others but on your terms.

In some ways I have been conscious of this feeling since leaving the workplace and that is what I love most about it.   The freedom to choose.  That is what I had the least of when I worked many hours a week for someone else.  Having my own business for six years was so much better because of the flexibility.  Doing what you want does not eliminate work, it just allows you to work at something you like to do...or even PLAY, heaven forbid.

I had a lot of feelings about that not being able to choose how I spent my time phenomenon.  But the Aha of "process not projects" really articulates it for me.  I understood this on a certain level before, but just hadn't attached language to yet.  That tends to make concepts more useful.  Until something moves from the feeling stages to the articulated stage it is hard to make changes.  (That is one reason I love writing so much.)  I want to accomplish things but with a different emphasis and paradigm. 

Nipping at one's heels...

It will help me (I'm hoping) in removing that feeling that there is a big snowball chasing me down a hill that is about to over take me and flatten me completely.  It will also make me face the fact squarely that I am the one putting that snowball on my heels.  I either make that happen or let it happen.

I want to stop putting unrealistic exceptions upon myself and life, in general, because as we all know...the projects just keep coming like beads dropped on a string with no knot at the end.

 I am going to put more emphasis on the process of living well and enjoying all that I do. I seem to use the word "savor" a lot lately.  That is living life as a process not a project.

Me pushing back at the snowball...

You are going to see me chilling (but not on a snowball) a little more and being more realistic.  Man is that he might have JOY.  (Woman too.)  And pushing unrealistically all the time robs me of that.  Some people are much more capable of it than I am.  So anyway...that was my big "Aha" moment today.  As you can see...I am blogging in the middle of all these papers all over my desk that I was reorganizing and decided that instead I needed a little joy... and that always brings me back to my keyboard and you.

Letting the snowball melt all alone...without me!

Are you enjoying your life as a project-oriented person or a person in the process of living your life to the fullest and savoring it?  It doesn't mean being lazy, it means living with a different mindset and more purposefully.  Something to think about.

The Tomb Of The Unknown Soldier

This Guarding of the Tomb of the Unknown Soldier is Positively Awesome!  Soldiers have been doing this  24/7 and 365 Days per year Since 1930. It's more than the precision and the  pomp and circumstance of it. It is the reverence and the rigor of being selected to be a Guard. It is the life long commitment. The cemetery is large and sobering It fills you with a sense of gratitude and respect. When we were there the cherry blossoms  were in full bloom! A sight particularly poignant, Never one you will forget. Every American should have the privilege To stand in silence and reflect. ARLINGTON CEMETERY Jeopardy Question:  On Jeopardy the other night, the final question was "How many steps does the guard take during his walk across the tomb of the Unknowns?" All three contestants missed it!    1. How many steps does the guard take during his walk across the tomb of the Unknowns and why? 21 steps:  It alludes to the twenty-one gun salute which is the highest honor given any military or foreign dignitary.    2. How long does he hesitate after his about face to begin his return walk and why? 21 seconds for the same reason as answer number 1 3. Why are his gloves wet? His gloves are moistened to prevent his losing his grip on the rifle. 4. Does he carry his rifle on the same shoulder all the time and,if not, why not? He carries the rifle on the shoulder away from the tomb. After his march across the path,he executes an about face and moves the rifle to the outside shoulder.    5. How often are the guards changed? Guards are changed every thirty minutes, twenty-four hours a day, 365 days a year. 6. What are the physical traits of the guard limited to?    For a person to apply for guard duty at the tomb, he must be between 5' 10' and 6' 2' tall and his waist size cannot exceed 30.   They must commit 2 years of life to guard the tomb, live in a barracks under the tomb, and cannot drink any alcohol on or off duty for the rest of their lives. They cannot swear in public for the rest of their lives and cannot disgrace the Uniform or the tomb in any way.   After two years, the guard is given a wreath pin that is worn on their lapel signifying they served as guard of the tomb. There are only 400 presently worn. The guard must obey these rules for the rest of their lives or give up the wreath pin. The shoes are specially made with very thick soles to keep the heat and cold from their feet. There are metal heel plates that extend to the top of the shoe in order to make the loud click as they come to a halt.   There are no wrinkles, folds or lint on the uniform. Guards dress for duty in front of a full-length mirror.   The first six months of duty a guard cannot talk to anyone nor watch TV. All off duty time is spent studying the 175 notable people laid to rest in Arlington National Cemetery . A guard must memorize who they are and where they are interred. Among the notables are:   President Taft, Joe Lewis {the boxer} Medal of Honor winner Audie L. Murphy, the most decorated soldier of WWII and of Hollywood fame. Every guard spends five hours a day getting his uniforms ready for guard duty.. ETERNAL REST GRANT THEM O LORD AND LET PERPETUAL LIGHT SHINE UPON THEM. In 2003 as Hurricane Isabelle was approaching Washington , DC , our US Senate/House took 2 days off with anticipation of the storm. On the ABC evening news, it was reported that because of the dangers from the hurricane, the military members assigned the duty of guarding the Tomb of the Unknown Soldier were given permission to suspend the assignment. They   respectfully declined the offer, "No way, Sir!" Soaked to the skin, marching in the pelting rain of a tropical storm, they said that guarding the Tomb was not just an assignment, it was the highest honor that can be afforded to a service person. The tomb has been patrolled continuously, 24/7, since 1930.   God Bless and keep them.   I'd be very proud if this email reached as many as possible. We can be very proud of our young men and women in the service no matter where they serve.

The studying of Family and American history has been on my mind lately.  Most Americans do not realize they have ancestors that fought in every major battle since the beginning of our country's history.  This unknown soldier represents our own family members who fought and fell for what we have and who we are today.  Friday is Flag Day.  Hooray for the Red, White, and Blue.

To Be Worthy Of His Love

This past couple of weeks I have had some new insights about the Pure Love of Christ or Unconditional Love.  When I feel those things floating around in my head and heart I must put fingers to keyboard...to sort, to discover, to understand.  So here are some thoughts to peruse and ponder on a lazy Sunday afternoon.

Since I have been a wee child I have known the song, "Jesus loves me" this I know for the Bible tells me so...   How can it be that I am still assimilating this truth at this stage in my life?  Who is this Man of Galilee that knows me enough to love Me?  Not me, collectively as in all of us...but ME?

I was well into my adulthood when I began to think about this pure love of Christ or the unconditional love that He has for me.   I never felt I was able to be unconditionally loved or loving without fear of losing that love, until we had children.  That gave me a glimpse of what it felt like to love and be loved in that way. Until those three, I never felt anyone was mine in a way that no matter what they did, I would still love them (or they me) completely, purely or unconditionally.  It was as though my feelings, my wants and needs were not part of the equation, when I learned about unconditional love as I felt for our babies.  There was no pride or selfishness at all.

 I loved them completely because of who they were.  And I knew they loved me in the same way.  I was their Mommy, that was enough for them.  In all their imperfections and mine the love never wavered.   The astonishing thing was it came so naturally.  It was not a struggle, I didn't have to keep trying for it.  It just was and I never doubted it or questioned it, no matter what they did.  I know their Dad feels the same.  This is a kind of love that transcends the earth.  It is divine.  It is also quite interesting to recognize that grandchildren also inherit this type of love as well.  It is their birthright.

I remember the first time I felt unconditional love.  I remember the hour, the moment and the rapture of it as though it were a moment ago.  I was lying in a hospital bed around 10:00 pm in Las Vegas, Nevada. I had just given birth to Jennifer at 3:38 that afternoon.  Jim had gone home reluctantly, after visiting hours and our tiny girl was in the nursery.  The day had been filled with excitement, hard work and euphoria that would not let me sleep as I pondered what had just happened.

Suddenly I felt a deep sadness come over me.  The thoughts were along the lines of...this is the most important day of our lives together...why are we all in separate places?  It was not normal, or natural to the point of being physically painful.  It was not long after that that the nurse brought our little burrito-wrapped baby into to me for the first time.

She looked so beautiful with her dark hair long enough to be combed and curled over a nurse's finger before her grand entrance.  Her cheeks were so rosy and her eyes the deepest blue! Her irises covered her entire eye sockets, not even a glimmer of the whites of her eyes were visible.  I held her in the crook of my left arm and began to talk softly to her in the quiet of that cold, mint green hospital room.

As I gazed into her eyes and she into mine...it happened. Just like a bolt of gentle and tender lightning our love was sealed to me.  It was spiritually electrifying.  By the time Chris and Laura were born it was there in all its glory, but not as dramatically presented because by then I was well acquainted with it.  That gift that is inherited by grandchildren may even come before their actual birth I discovered.  It is miraculous, penetrating, instantaneous and unconditional love!

Any number of things our children and grandchildren do may irritate us, saddened us, even offend us but the notion of withdrawing our love is not even an option, not even a thought.  This is different that worldly love, isn't it?  It is about God's Work and His Glory: to bring to past the immortality and eternal life of man, woman and child.  Our families teach us how to love unconditionally in the most conducive setting.  We are all a part of a family, past, present and future.

That is how our Savior loves us.  As I try to comprehend that I can only compare it to the love of our children.  It is never intermittent, never faltering no matter what we do or how we think or how much we protest.  It just is, whether we know it, believe it or even want it.  He is the Great I Am and His love is perfect even as He is perfect.

It seems so completely different than the way we experience love in the world.   Hearts are broken constantly by a trust that fails when someone gives and takes back their definition of love at will. How many of us guard our hearts because of experiences like that that we have had?  I would venture to say most of us.  We learn to protect ourselves by expecting less of people who say they love us and then hurt or abandon us.  It can be parents or spouses or siblings or friends...it doesn't seem to matter.

But the Savior will never love us like that.  There is safety and peace in His love.  And even more important is that He never misunderstands us or judges us unworthy of His love.  He never tires of doing all in His power to care for us.  He knows us without our having to prove ourselves by our words or deeds.   He just "gets" each of us to the depths of our heart and loves us, as is. No qualifiers.  No conditions.  Just Love, the kind we all yearn for from the deepest part of us.  We have that in Him.  What does He ask in return?  What is the greatest commandment, the one that all the laws of the Gospel hinge upon?  In Matthew we read.

"Matthew 22:36-40

King James Version (KJV)

36 Master, which is the great commandment in the law?

37 Jesus said unto him, Thou shalt love the Lord thy God with all thy heart, and with all thy soul, and with all thy mind.

38 This is the first and great commandment.

39 And the second is like unto it, Thou shalt love thy neighbour as thyself.

40 On these two commandments hang all the law and the prophets."

As we learn to love the Savior as He loves us, we will learn to put our full trust in Him, in His plan, in His will for us.  Imagine what our lives could be like if we just had unconditional faith in Him and His will.  If we didn't kick against things that we don't think are fair or right or good for us and we just had unconditional faith in him, how different would life be?  If we loved Him that much, even as much as He loves us.  It we actually tried our very best to be perfect, or whole, just as He is.  If we knew Him like He knows us and could give over the driver's seat and let him be our pilot?  What if we would stop worrying and started trusting Him more?  

Why do we love Him?  The scriptures tell us because He first loved us.  Not only that but He shows us how to love so that we can get on to the next commandment which is like unto the first.  So that we might love our neighbor as ourselves.  

Because on these two commandments hang all the laws and the prophets.  To me that is saying that if we can master these three things, life will be the very best.  

Love Him as He loves and teaches us, Love ourselves as He loves us 

and love our neighbors as He loves all of us. 

 It is the beginning and the end of a perfect plan.  Mastering that kind of love is key.  Love is what we give.  Just as Love is what He gives.  All the other commandments comes easier to us when we have the foundation of unconditional love in our lives.  First His and then our own for Him and for all His children including ourself.

That kind of love that looks outside of our own wants and needs and to Him and His children around us is the goal.  It takes a life time and probably longer.  It is not easy nor was it meant to be.  It is a refining process.  It is growing in His Gospel.  It is repentance and forgiveness, it is faith...lots of faith in Him.  It is learning to be humble and teachable.  It is forgiving ourselves when we fail miserably at His kind of love.  It is getting up, dusting ourselves off and keeping our eye on the target.  As we become more like Him we never want to hurt another person no matte what sacrifices  are required of us.  He has shown us what an ultimate sacrifice for another is by His atonement for us. 

It is simple and yet so profound.   I constantly find myself having to relearn this and I am so far from being where I want to be.  I guess the first steps are seeing His unconditional love for us, then seeing Him as our example and then following Him.  He is God; we are mere mortals with but a spark of divinity within us.  But we can make progress.  We have that hope and that faith for the very fact that He is our God in whom we trust.  And we see evidence in many around us who are farther along the path than we are.  Our Prophet, the Apostles, the very special and loved people in our lives that are closer to loving as He loves.  They are all around us to lead and inspire us on our way.

I am grateful for the chances and choices placed before me and I want to love as He loves.  I never want a person I love to doubt my love for them.  I want to be a person of tender mercies as He is.   It requires us to overcome the natural man inside of each of us.  It requires us to be obedient and trusting, and it requires work.  It is a good work to be engages in and it brings happiness in the struggles.  The greatest understanding I have gained of this kind love is through being a parent.  It helps me to know that the Savior loves us in that way and I find comfort in it.  I hope you do too in whatever way He teaches you.

So what do we need to do to be worthy of His love?  Absolutely nothing.  He simply does Love us unconditionally.  What do we need to do to partake of His promises of joy in our eternal life? Humble ourselves to follow Him, to be taught by Him and redeemed by Him and perfected or made whole in Him.  Does He coerce us and force us to comply?  No, He offers us all that He has and then allows us to choose for ourselves.   What a gift for us to be able to choose.  As Joshua said, "As for me and my house, we will serve the Lord." Joshua 24:15.

Those Who Inspire Me

This is a flashback to September 2011

Hazie waiting for the bus on her first day
of school this year! This was her first bus ride!

I just love this series of pictures. I don't know why exactly but they represent something special to me. They brought tears to my eyes as I looked at her sweet little face, so eager, so trusting, so ready to go! I have had to ponder this experience for days to better understand why it touched me so deeply.

Getting on the Big Yellow School Bus!
This little one that has never met a stranger!
She is trying to engage this man who seems
to be unaware he is in the presence of an angel!

And off she goes to school....
To life as a big girl.

Her first independent trip away from home, away from her family and into the unknown with a smile on her face. That is courage. That is inspiring. When I saw the back of that bus...I had to think of our own daughter, Hazie's Mom. Watching her little, almost four-year-old, take off with perfect strangers on her own for the first time.

There was her little precious girl, that she has nurtured and cared for in the extreme, with all of her spina bifada issues, knowing her and helping her like no one else but a mom could. The very act of letting Hazie get on that bus and go off on her own...that had to take courage, it had to be hard. That kind of maternal courage inspires me.

I remember when Jennifer went off to school, how I wept. That little person who shared my body before birth and my soul all of her life, wasn't a baby anymore. And I prayed for her protection in a big, very uncertain world. I wanted to hold on to her and her innocence and never let the world rip it from her as it was ripping her from me right then.

I felt the same way when I saw the back of this big yellow bus. In our lives, we have those defining moments when we learn something that changes us. I am constantly amazed by the depth of love I have for our grandkids and kids and what I learn from them. I see things in them all the time that humble me and make me want to be a better person. Their refining moments refine me. The power of that love of mother to child is divine.

Their experiences bond me to them in ways I never realized they could or would. When they stretch and grow I do too and when they hurt I feel pain along with them, when they feel joy, my heart is bursting too. These feelings can be felt in other relationships, but never quite as keenly as in mother to child. Not even child-to-mother love knows of this power. Of course perhaps, a father's love for his children produces this experience too, but I can only speak of a mother's love through the heart that I know best. The courage that I see in our children and grandchildren makes me feel ashamed of my own fears sometimes. They are amazingly faithful and courageous. That inspires me to face my fears head on.

Spencer James

This very week our grandson, Spencer, has gone off for the first time as well. He is 12 so that probably seems rather strange to a lot of you. But Spencer has a disability that cannot be seen. He is deathly allergic to peanuts and soy. What this means for his parents is they must prepared all his food with caution. They never buy anything that the label isn't checked first because companies change ingredients all the time. Most of his food is made from scratch. (He will undoubtedly be healthier than most through out his life time because of it, right?) He can never eat any purchased treats like chips, cookies, candy or a gelato, or a hamburger. To a child with a peanut allergy eating can bring about unthinkable consequences. You cannot be lax, vigilance is essential 24/7.

Spencer carries an Epipen wherever he goes, he doesn't eat food prepared for parties or church dinners or in any but a couple of thoroughly screened restaurants where he is allowed pasta with butter only. He never travels on a train or plane without precautionary methods needing to be taken.

It is tougher because it is invisible and it enters into every new relationship he ever makes, as explanations and exceptions have to be made. There are emotional issues to be dealt with. I think most people never can imagine this type of thing unless they are faced with its challenges. Food is an issue and central to just about every social thing we seem to do. Imagine always being on your guard.

But this week he went on an outdoor, educational, camping trip with his new friends, at his new school, in another state. He went with every one of his meals packed and ready for him to confidently enjoy, prepared by his diligent mother. That took courage, that took faith. That is inspiring to me. I know that Laura and Robert wrestled with this and had very similar thoughts to what Jen must have when that bus drove away with her baby.

Again I do not know that I could have handled these thing well as a parent. I learn courage through their courageous acts. And I am pretty sure I would not have handled this well as a 12-year-old. There is so much security within the walls of a loving, protective home. When the grandkids are brave, I can be more brave in the things I face or may face in my life. I learn from them all the time.

These are just two examples of those who inspire me to be courageous. There is also James, always working hard and usually in pain as he does it. He just plows through in spite of the consequences physically sometimes. The sacrifices are almost always for someone else. There is also my brother, Steven, bravely enduring his cancer treatments that have been so difficult with his Steve Martin-like looks and sense of humor and a desire to lift the rest of us. That is courage that inspires me.

I have a mental list of those who inspire me to be better. You are probably on that list yourself. Who we eventually become has a lot to do with where we are looking. I am looking to God, and wonderful courageous and inspiring people that help me along my way, every day.

Do you ever think about who inspires you through their courageous living?

The Breathtaking LDS Oakland Temple

Taken by BJM 5/31/14

This is one of the Temples of 

The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints

 in Oakland, California

Not only is there is a beautiful Temple here, but a large Visitors' Center and a wonderful Family History And Family Search Library. There is also a large Interstake Center for various meetings and productions.  Everyone is welcome to visit these beautiful grounds and participate in many of the programs.  There is no charge for admittance or programs on Temple Hill.  There is a sweet and peaceful spirit here and the views of San Francisco and the Bay are breathtaking.  Everyone is friendly and helpful too.