About Aging Gracefully

All photos via Pinterest

There are so many joys as we age!  I know that there is controversy about this but I am standing up in favor of it.  I have heard people scoff at The Golden Years.   But then I have heard people scoff at and expound upon most everything.  People's attitudes can often gravitate to the negative no matter the issue.  The thing is~our reality is what we think it is, true or not.  That is the bottom line.  The greatest gift of agency we have is we get to actually create our own world here and now.  I didn't know that when I was young.  Lacking that knowledge is tantamount to giving your power away to every wind that blows past you.  Life needs to be proactive, not reactionary and that begins in your head. 

It has occurred to me very poignantly again recently that we literally create our own reality.  This is something I have to keep re-learning.  Of course I know it intellectually, but every once in a while, I realize anew that my emotional development is lagging behind in this area.  When I feel myself slipping into emotional pain, whining or grousing about something or someone, I have to stop and ask myself, "Is this concern even real?"  Seriously.  Oh, if we could only get back the hours we have wasted fretting and stewing, even crying over things we thought were true, with no substantial shred of evidence whatsoever. That is worrying needlessly.  That is being faithless...towards God, ourselves and others.

My least favorite space to be with anyone else is wondering where I stand with them.  My own insecurities can get me to a point of being all tangled up over things I think might be true.  This is not good; this combination of insecurity and an active imagination!   The tint of my view of the world is just plain off at times and based on nothing but my fears.  I am learning I can choose to think well of eventual outcomes and that there are many variables when I am feeling a dissonance in a situation.  I didn't know this when I was young.  I thought my every feeling was accurate.  Not so.  We need to get use to being wrong and humbly being taught by life.  That polishing comes in our Golden Years.  I am voting for it. 

I have spent a lot of time wondering about why I struggle with these types of insecurities but, I have decided it pretty much doesn't matter.  It is what it is, as they say, based on what was in the past.  However, in my future I have the power to just stop doing the negative thinking and to choose happier, more productive thoughts.  Like an artist with a brush we can paint a picture that makes us feel so much happier.

This goes beyond Pollyanna's positive thinking.  It is consciously allowing ourselves to consider something and choosing to think good thoughts rather than just automatically assuming the worst.  It is choosing not to borrow trouble prematurely.  It is choosing not to worry and fret.  It is aging gracefully.  It's letting life teach us something new instead of just reacting in the identical way every time something happens.  It is knowing that if you don't change something, nothing will change.  The key word there is YOU!

It is having faith in other people.  It is loving in a different way. It is realizing that loving is what we give and maybe don't always get in return.   The real joy is in the giving of it and how selflessly loving uplifts us no matter what.  It is growing up and being an adult.  It is cutting others a little slack and more importantly, cutting ourselves some too.  Ta da...aging gracefully.

It is letting go of the things that have held us captive, by using our own power to change our paradigms or ways of thinking.  And let's face it head-on.  It is letting go of all our doubts and fears. It's trusting God, ourselves and others and loving life unconditionally.  Life is never going to be perfect here but it can be perceived in a much better way.

The Golden Years!  Bring 'em on.  Let the light and love within you make a difference.  It is a time to take more control of our own happiness, to savor what we have learned and to be a mentor in what can often seem like a dark world.  It is a time to be a good example of a happy survivor in this life. It's time to share what we have and to give back in ways we couldn't do in our youth.   As we experience life's joys and trials on our own and watch others do the same, we grow a lovely heart...full of compassion, understanding and wisdom and love that is for giving away.

It is a time of fully accepting yourself, not reinvented as the world would have you be~but as you really are.  The way God so beautifully made you, unique and incredibly special in your own way...His way, the right way.

When you look back you can see how far you have come and appreciate it. You are not perfect but you are making good progress.   And you can look ahead with more faith and longing for these really good days you are now discovering.  You will find more joy in the simple things that really matter.  You will know them if you are aging gracefully. 

I have never been one to say, "Oh boy, I sure wish I was 25  again!"  But looking back on all the stages of my life so far...when I am really ancient, I do feel I might just wish I could return to this time.  In this phase of life of more freedom where I still have my health and facilities and the ability to contribute to the world in my own unique ways.  And when I am that old I just hope I will be able to remember how wonderful life is right now, right here in this moment of contentment and joy that I am feeling today.  If I don't will someone please read this to me?

The Golden Years for me are a time of deeper and more meaningful love, compassion, joy in the beauties around me and more faith in God then ever before.  That same beauty and faith bring me closer to the surface with my tears, that come more easily now.  Joy and everything else is felt much more deeply than ever before.  I have finally figured out how to live each day more fully and be truly in it.

This is a place I want to stay for as long as I live.  I know that is probably not to be, so I am capturing my thoughts like a Kodak moment here today.  Aging gracefully is what it is all about.  Trusting in the Lord and His plan for you and me and submitting to His will.  In the scriptures it tells us that, "..Men are that they might have joy." 2 Nephi 2:25

By seeking for the joyful parts of this life, in a conscious way through our thoughts, we can create a world that allows us to fill the measure of our own creation.  We will find and experience that joy for which we were created in the first place!  We do, in fact, choose our view each day. I like the plan....don't you?

I could have used an understanding of this at 20...but that could not have been. The journey had only  just begun.   That is what I love and embrace about getting older.  And the absolute crowning jewel is doing it along side of my best friend and golden husband, whom I choose to see as perfect for me!

"Quote"...UnQuote

 

"When you long for blessings that you may not name,

and when you grieve knowing not the cause,
then indeed you are growing with all things that grow,
and rising toward your greater self.~ Khalil Gibran♥"

I have always like Khalil Gibran, We even had one of his poems read at our wedding back in 1968. I have usually agreed with all he has written so I like to think I can adopt this as well.  In the past when I have gotten these feelings I would feel kind of restless and unsettled.  But now I will just relax and go with it and think I am growing and becoming my greater self.  What an awesome way to view something that use to feel negative to me... I am grateful to have found this today.

My sweet friend, Marie, posted this on her Facebook page today
 and I just loved it so much and wanted to keep it. 
 So I am filing it here and sharing it with you.

 Please visit Marie @A Year At Oak Cottage. 
She is wonderful writer, chef and painter. 

One THOUSAND Three Hundred Steps~Give Away

Today is the one thousand three hundred and first time I have clicked on "New Post" on this blog. I use to wonder how people wrote an entire book about something that was three or four hundred pages long. Well, now I know. The answer is one day at a time. One thought at a time, one key stroke...slow and easy just like the tortoise as he plods along on his journey. I started this blog near Christmas of 2007 and so for the last three years I have posted nearly everyday.

The reason I started blogging was that I challenged some young adults in a Family History class I was teaching to try something new and add one aspect of family history of their choice, into their lives routinely. I chose blogging as my challenge and the rest is history. So many wonderful things have happened to me because of it. For one thing, I discovered I really can do something that I would have thought absolutely impossible three years ago! I have learned that believing is seeing, not the other way around.

Our Grandson Ross climbing~Follow Your Dreams!

Writing as a discipline has helped me to grow and know myself and my thoughts better than anything else I have ever done. It has helped me work through various situations and challenges just by organizing my thoughts and feelings. It has put some structure to that endless sea of thoughts swimming in my head, like a school of fish circling aimlessly in a big tank. It has become a favorite way to creatively pass time and to keep my mind alert and excited about the wonders of God's universe and all the beauty in living life.

It has given me gratitude and a keener awareness of how wonderful our life really is and how many blessings we enjoy continually, even in hard times. It has shown me how much fun we have in black and white. The mind can get foggy on those things and I envision myself reading all these wonderful adventures and reliving them when I am really old and all else fails.

It has helped me communicate with our children and grandchildren in a fun way. It is something they can choose to read or not... on their own time schedule. When I post on my blog I still feel like they are seeing my heart and that they can hear my voice whenever they want to. As I have said before, it is like I have left the backdoor open and the light on at home whenever they want to visit. I will never stop being their mom even if they are long gone from the old homestead. I have seen some moms kind of turn that off when the nest is empty...I am not one of them. My family stays in my mind and heart continually.

Blogging has taught me that one day at a time I can accomplish what I need and want to accomplish, if I just keep at it. I am learning to apply that to other aspects of my life with more confidence. And to know that, life is time...no matter how you spend it, God willing, you are going to be one year older on your birthday. By small and simple things great things are brought to pass.

Baby Steps, Just Keep Going,
Keeping it Up, Never Giving Up!

The surgeons I used to work for would say this, if asked how they could go to school until they were 30? "I knew I was going to be 30 regardless, so why not spend time making my future better and in the long run, easier...by getting a great education."

Spending time today engaging in a concerted effort to improve tomorrow makes sense to me. Applying that concept to all my goals has improved my life one day at a time in many areas. Who knew blogging could create that kind of change in person? Accounting for your life through writing is therapeutic. It makes you emotionally more healthy and centered, especially if you get real and share your true thoughts and feelings. If you don't want to do that in an open blog, do it in a private one.

You will be surprise at the bouquet planted
one seed at a time!

Blogging has also been so wonderful in terms of the fellowship with each of you. I have learned with you, cried with you, laughed with you and learned to love you through your posts, pictures and comments. Your kind words of encouragement and appreciation for some of the posts I have done have buoyed me up and made me keeping coming back for more. You have let me know you have found value in stopping by and that has meant so much to me.

My counter tells me I have had thousands of visits from over 64 countries. (Really?) Most of you remain anonymous to me. So this is what I was thinking....I am going to have a give away to commemorate 1301 posts and I want to meet more of you.

If you become "a Follower"I will enter your name into the drawing. To become a Follower go to my actual blog if you are on a reader. On the sidebar at the very top you will find the Followers gadget. Just click on Follow and follow the prompts. Easy. Then leave a comment saying that you are a follower. If you are already following, just let me know that in a comment as well.

Next Wednesday I'll choose a winner. I have no idea what the give away is yet but now I have a whole week to search for something awesome to say thank you for your friendship and support! I am so grateful for all of you! No matter where you live in the world your prize will be mailed next week. Good luck! And thank you all again for the lovely time it has been these past few years. And if you are just jumping on board for the first time, that is great too!

Pure Gold~Reprise

Last year after I lost a bunch of weight I wrote this. Since I am back on my quest, and climbing the same old mountain again... I have been reading some of the posts I wrote to remind myself of what I learned when I was on track. Yet another reason why journaling is so important~we can relearn from ourselves when we were in a better frame of mind.

Don't we all have things in our lives we are trying to learn over and over again? I know I sure do. The point is to never give up. Forgive yourself and begin again. You haven't failed until you quit trying. So here is what I am relearning today.

"Today I was doing the dishes and thinking about things. Do you know what is worth its weight in gold? Making choices that make you feel good about you!


As happy as I am about my recent weight loss, I really think the bigger benefit to me personally has been the way I can feel good about myself and what I am doing. Even though from outward appearances there is very little change in me, what has happened on the inside is huge. Whenever there is a discrepancy between what you know is true and right and what you are doing, it is hard to have self respect. True peace and harmony within comes from living what you believe and believing what you live.

It is also throwing off the shackles of doing what you should do and have to do for doing what you do because you choose it. Choosing to do good is proactive~the shoulds and have-tos are reactive.


I want to be proactive and make good choices because I want to take the high road. I want to live the higher law~I don't have to. Isn't that what our agency is all about? Whatever we are doing in life it should be because we chose it. If there are things you simply must do then decide it is what you want to do. As long as you think you should or have to do something and you are resistant, your body and spirit are at odds with one another.


President Kimball said simply "Do It." Not.. You Should Do It, or You Have To Do It! Right? Let it be your choice~it is so liberating. And then, as Elder Joseph B. Wirthlin's mother said..."Come what may and love it!"

Because I Have Been Given Much...

The title of this post is also the title of a hymn. What follows the three dots is "I too must give." This is something I try to remember when I get weary, when I am tired or feeling unappreciated.

In order for someone to have a life blessed with receiving, someone has to give. It follows that if we love someone, we want them to be blessed with the receipt of goodness. We are the instruments the Lord uses to bless others and to answer their prayers. It is a privilege to be one of His instruments, isn't it? I remind myself of that when someone asks me to do something that is inconvenient or that at first I just don't want to do.

In the Church we all have a job or calling. Sometimes you have to wonder why you get called to a particular task, especially if it is outside your comfort zone or your perceived realm of gifts and talents. But you say yes, willingly hopefully, and amazingly you are blessed as the Lord qualified those whom He calls. In the best of all worlds everyone magnifies that calling and does their very best. In reality it is not always so and sometimes the responsibilities left undone by one become the burden of another.

In those times it is easy to become critical, to backbite, to criticize another. This is one of the tools that Satan uses to be divisive and destroy our unity. Satan knows that if we are not one, we are not the Savior's. And oh, how he loves that!! This is when we need to put our concentration back upon our own performance and not judge, as we never know what burdens are already being born by that person.

I know that I can never repay the Savior for His gifts to me or to my family but, I try to look at it this way when I do get tired and frustrated and want to say no when asked to serve others.


He has answered all of our prayers and blessed us so abundantly that I cannot voice our gratitude enough. At every turn we see His blessings played out, day in and day out in our lives. They are there for us all, we just have to see them. Paying attention heightens my awareness and makes me want to serve Him by serving others all the time. And when the request seems unreasonable or too much, I might grumble a little under my breath, but for the most part we don't ever say no. And I hear the hymn in my head and heart..."Because I have been given much, I too must give."

In those times where I feel exhausted, once I have an attitude adjustment I am good to go. I need to just put my shoulder to the wheel and get to work, knowing that my Father in Heaven knows what I need and what another person needs and He wants everyone to be edified through the experience at hand. He wants a win/win for all His children. He is THE perfect parent.

I am grateful everyday for the people I associate with that are such good examples of giving of themselves. They teach me all the time. Especially, Jim, he is truly one of a kind. He doesn't think about it, or grumble or whine...he just does it.

His secret...he has made that decision in advance. When someone needs him, he's there. He doesn't mull it over in his mind every time he is asked to do something...he made that decision a long time ago.
(Decisions in advance=no internal struggle over the issue.)

I truly do admire that!I want to be more like Him someday!

Painting by Liz Lemon Swindle

Spencer's Cookies

I have learned so many lessons in life from our grandchildren. Spencer continues to teach me and I have been thinking a lot about this lately. Spencer was born with food allergies. Not just your everyday type food allergies where you get a scratchy throat or a little runny nose, but he is allergic to peanuts and soy. You cannot begin to realize unless you have been around these two allergies how incredibly difficult they can make your life. For one, peanuts do not cause an allergic reaction in the familiar sense...they are a deadly poison to people that have the problem. I think they should be classified as a poison, period.

Children and adults with severe problems with peanuts can go into anaphylactic shock from just inhaling the dust of a peanut, smelling one or touching something that someone with peanut oil on their hands has previously touched.

Our trip on the train to Utah a few years ago

at Christmas time.
Laura should own stock in Handiwipes.

She cleaned the entire train area
where Spencer would be sitting.

Spencer's seat on the train is covered by a sheet
to protect him from the dirty seats.

It is hard to imagine the trauma this can cause for the parents of children afflicted with this. Every time you leave your own nut free home you are at risk, you can never let your guard down. Think about the ramifications of this...grocery carts, handrails, other kids houses and toys, playgounds, movie theaters, airplanes...the list is endless. You carry an epi-pen every time you leave your house praying you never need it. You never have a day when you can afford to forget to pray for protection and safety.

When you add soy to the mix things get even more complicated. Soy is in almost every product you can buy~check a few labels sometime. Places where you would never suspect..soy is lurking. Spencer has never been able to go to a birthday party and have cake and ice cream with the other kids, have a pizza from a pizza parlor, go trick or treating, eat at a restaurant unless Laura and Robert are completely familiar with every aspect of the products used, kitchen, chef, etc. That has happened so rarely you can count the visits on one hand. Laura and Robert have to bring food with them everywhere they go to keep him safe. You should have seen the food prep that went on when we got ready to travel around Italy for 11 days. We had 6 people for three days and 5 for 8 days. That is 138 meals and 92 snacks that were planned, purchased and assembled before we left. We had to have hotels with kitchens and we all ate this way most of the time to limit the times Spencer would have to sit in a restaurant with his own food.

Amazing parents!

One of their biggest jobs is educating others who don't understand that this is a very serious problem that can be fatal. Another thing you have to do is speak very frankly to your toddler and teach them early that peanuts can kill them. Imagine how hard this is when you just want your little one to have the innocence of that young and tender age and they don't even know what~it can kill you~ really means.

The Lord knew what He was doing when he sent his precious son, Spencer, to Laura and Robert..they have been beyond amazing in caring for him. This affliction is a lot like interest on your debts...it never rests, it never takes a vacation, you can never ignore it. We are so proud of their family! Spencer has been so disciplined in this whole thing~you would not even believe what children are capable of when the need and desire is there. Spencer will be 9 on May 11th. This is what he has taught me.

You must have Faith. Faith in God, faith in yourself and faith in someone other than yourself..in his case his parents, grandparents, and other adults looking out for his best interest.

He knows that the things that seem like restrictions in his life actually are the avenue to his freedom. Why can't I be more like that? When Heavenly Father says no...it is for my good. How does a little boy learn this so young and it takes most of us a life time of struggle?

You Must Be Obedient. Spencer is obedient when his parents say, no you cannot have that, it is not safe. He simply obeys, even when he wants to do otherwise. Why can't I be more like that?

You Must Trust Others. When everyone else has something you want and you alone cannot have it~ you realize that everyone has trials and tribulations and this one is yours to bear...like it or not...you do it. You don't understand why this has happened to you but you believe your parents, you do what they say and you benefit because of it. That is Spencer...why can't I be more like him? When everyone else is having a gelato, you quietly drink a Fanta soda and you find your own joy in that. Whoa, to be like that...!

You Feel God's Love for You Even in Your Afflictions. Spencer loves God and his family and feels their love in return, because of this he is a happy person in spite of his problems. You don't blame God for your issues, you just know that he allows these things in our lives to make us stronger. You realize that only good things come from God and He gives you the strength to cope with the hard things if we will just trust Him and be obedient. Wouldn't we all love to be more like that?

You Teach Others By Your Example. Spencer does this everyday. These are just a few of the reasons we love him so much and his parents who have taught him so well. And his little brother, Ross who has made many sacrifices also to help Spencer.

You Must Be Grateful. When Laura was able to find soy free chocolate chips at about $8.00 a pound from a mail order place..Spencer got his first ever chocolate chip cookies. Now you know why Spencer looks so happy in this photo and why we are so proud and humbled to be his grandparents! You also know why this picture is so important to us. How often we take for granted something so ordinary that can be such a big special deal to someone else. Gratitude is so important in the little things!

God bless you with safety always, Spencer James!
Happy 9th Birthday this Sunday!