Happy Valentine's Day

I hope you are having a lovely Valentine's Day and feeling a great deal of love in your heart for your family and friends.  I know I sure am.  I have read several things this month about the sadness this day can bring to some people that do not have a Valentine in the their life.  I get that, and I truly value my sweetheart and am grateful for him.  But love is broader than that.  Love is what you give.  It is what you give to your family and friends.  It is your gratitude for what they give to you and how their influence transforms your life and makes it more special and complete.  It is their essence that you inhale every time you give them a hug that brings you such happiness and goodness and joy.  It is for every given day.  Not just Valentine's Day.  Here is a poem I wrote for all of my sweetest family members and friends.  Something in each of you that I deeply love has inspired a part of it.

Do you see them?

Any Given Day

I love the way the light of day
Passes over the house 
on any given day 
Especially in winter...

Bringing bits of illumination
And light and sparkle to the windows
The walls and floor and even me.
It is spectacular to behold.  

There is a cut glass bowl through
Which it passes like a prism
Casting diamonds of light 
That shimmer over everything. 

That part of day~short and sweet
Lifts me up and cheers me...
Like news from you, your words
Your humor, your help, your hello. 

Like little rays of pure light...
That glow with brilliance
Bedazzling an ordinary day.  
And bringing me understanding. 

Feeling the sweetness of friendship is
Like a cloak of trust to wrap around you.
It is warm, sweet and soothing...
It is refreshing and lined with comfort.  

Little bits of joy bathe my soul
On any given day in winter...
Special moments of pure goodness
That make me smile and remember. 

But not just in winter really,
The light of true friendship is ...
Always in season, always awaited 
Like the sunrise on any given day. 

It brings with it a lovely light
That washes over my heart with sheer delight...
Always accompanied by being grateful
For not being completely alone...
Not even in my solitude.

Like the cut glass bowl on the table 
The illumination of friendship
Passes through me like a prism 
It fills everything with light in my life...

Friends with their own unique Cut,
Color and Clarity like a diamond...
Brighten my spirit and add a little 
"Fanciness" to any given day.

I choose them with infinite care
Like precious diamonds .....
And care for them infinitely. 
Hoping I can lift them too. 

They are more precious than any diamond surely
And more beautifully given and received...
A friend is a hidden treasure chest of gold
With gems more brilliant than the sun. 

Like a lamplighter of days gone by
My path is lit to find my way.
And because of you-I'm a better me.
It's the light in you that helps me see!

And I love that so much...on every given day. bjm

         

Valentine's Tea Party

Pinterest

Today I am posting a little interlude to my lovely time with Jennifer and Laura.  I wanted to share some photos from my first attempt at hosting a bonafide afternoon ladies' tea.  Around Christmas time I was blessed to have a chance to spend part of a day with two of my great friends, Maureen and Michelle.

We went to our favorite little tea room in Benicia for lunch to celebrate Maureen's birthday.  We all had such a wonderful time just chatting and sipping herb teas and an idea was born that we should do a tea for some of our favorite people around Valentine's Day.  I volunteered to have it at my house although I hadn't the faintest idea how to do it.  So I started reading and pinning all about teas on Pinterest.  Maureen had done one before and so we just decided to go for it.  It was a lot of work but so much fun to pamper our friends for a few hours.  Here are some of the photos:

This tea was such a group effort
Maureen made the sweet garland of  
sparkly red, pink and white hearts.
Laura helped me design the tablescape.
Doesn't that sound official? ...
OK, we set the table together. 
With Barbara's glass dishes and teapots
 and Lanette's napkins.
 she also brought lemon tarts for the party.

Is it beginning to sound like you 
were the only guest, dear reader,
and everyone else was helping? 

 

These are the actual Valentines Jim and I exchanged.

Not the first time we have chosen similar themes

for our cards. 45 years of practice! 

( Not including 4 years of dating.)

I guess he is keeping me!

Laura brought me the candles from

 the shop where she works in RI

 

Jim set up the tables for us and moved 

a bunch of furniture to make room! 

He did a ton of work to make this

 all happen behind the scenes,

 including making a fabulous frittata.

 The menu you see on the plate above

would be right here if I hadn't

accidentally erased it!

Whoops...too late to fix it now...almost midnight!

Laura and I wrapped all these little boxes of chocolates

 and she made the tiny hearts with the sweet sentiment on them.

I made these tiny little fruit kabobs.  

Took forever like knitting a sweater or something!  

Sheesh!

Stuffed the celery with pineapple cream cheese

 and another plate of pimento cream cheese celery bites.
Gotta get those veggies in somewhere, right?

Mini cornbread muffins with jam 

and a 'simulation' of clotted cream

A little open faced sliced baguette with cheese, onions

 and mayonnaise that Jennifer once had at a

 tea in the UK!

I attempted Scones!  Moi!  I know,
 I can hardly believe it myself!

I dipped some strawberries!
We had some fun little cookies also 
and chocolate of course. 

Maureen made these darling little bits of cupcakes.

  She made them from a wedding cake batter. 

 Scrumptious I tell you!

Maureen also made some chopped 
egg tiny finger sandwiches

 and some olive walnut and cream cheese
 ones and Michelle

 made a delicious bunch of cucumber
 sandwiches. She also washed

all the teapots and filled them all with
 hot water 

and did the major part
 of the clean up.

Everyone participated in this part!

We had a great time laughing and talking.  

There is just nothing like friends 

you have known forever and loved.  

I'd love having any one of them

 for a sister any day of the week.

In fact, that is exactly how I feel about all of them

they truly are my sisters!

Barbara gave me this beautiful Cake Plate/Cloche 

with a double piece of cake

(Marketplace size equaling 

 enough cake for six people!)  She is

most assuredly a Sweetheart!

It is disappearing slowly but 

staying 100% fresh under glass!

Photo taken five days after the tea!

Maureen made one of these gorgeous 
Victorian paper cones called tussy mussies for each of us
 and stuffed them with little treats to take home.
We hung them on our hall tree so all 
the treats would stay inside them. 
We missed those who were unable to make it! 
We'll have to do it again sometime.

I think with a little practice we could give
 The Camillia Tea Room a run for their money!
What do you think?
 
I wish all of YOU could have joined us!

A Big Old Valentine Wish For You!

To our Friends that are Fabulous and Fun...

And our 6 Children who are Charming and Caring...

To Piper who is Precious and Pretty...

To Spencer who is Super Smart and Sweet...

To Connor who is Clever and Kind...

To Julia Who is a Rare Jewel and Happy...

And Ross who is a Romantic and Really Funny...

And Aynslee who is Adorable and Affectionate...

To Zachy who is Zany and Z-Best...

To Chloe who is Cute and Cherished...

To Owen who is Oh So Wonderful and Oh So Loved...

And to Hazie who is Heaven Sent and a Little Ham!

We are Wishing you a Happy, Healthy Valentine's Day

Of Knowing YOU ARE LOVED!

To our kids, Jen and Lowell,

 Chris and Melissa, and 

Laura and Robert

May your day be filled with Love and Romance!

Enjoy the sweetness.....

And some time for just the two of you...

To Our Lovely Friends...

Without you, life would be very sad.  
Thank you for all your love and support and
 the best of yourselves which we always are privileged 
to see and enjoy!

Have a wonderful loved-filled day!

 

http://pinterest.com/onedesigner/hearts-valentines/  

if you enjoy Pinterest...check out my Valentine's pins  at the link above

Cultivating and Celebrating Real Love

You know how the Eskimos have 200 words for snow, right? I wish we had that in the English language for love. Love is such an over used word with so many meanings it is hard to know what it really means anymore. Most of the times when we say "I love that"...what we really mean is we like it very much. If it were just a simple matter of semantics it would be OK, but I think we are all prone to confuse the meaning a lot too, especially in relationships of the heart. Love is a lot more than the pleasure we get from something, the great taste of Italian food or how one feels in a pretty dress or after reading a great novel or watching a wonderful movie. It is more than a beautiful home or a fancy car or how something makes us feel.

It seem most young men and young women come into the marriage relationship focusing on very different things. Let's say the young woman has been conditioned to look for her knight in shining armor and seriously I wouldn't even speculate on what the young man is focusing on..(nope, not goin' there! LOL!) I know there are the exceptions and this is an over-simplification, but it is just to point out that our differences can set us up for some disappointments.

Our expectations spring out of what we focus on and I think the first few years are fraught with short sightedness and sorting all of that out. The ones that survive get stronger, the ones that don't become a statistic. I will say I think that the couples of today that we know personally have a great foundation in Christ and I think they do a lot better.

As for us, we were in love, we didn't have a testimony of the Savior then, we dated four years and got married. Honestly, I don't think I ever thought about what life would be like beyond the babies, the cute little house with the white picket fence and living happily ever after. I never once thought about what I would do with my life after the kids were gone. Hello! I don't think I thought about life over 50 period. Those were old people and that was the farthest thing from my mind. I am not even sure I thought they had a life! Youth is all about the here and now.

One of the old sayings we heard from our day was.."You can't live on love because you can't eat the babies!" Whaaa...? Honestly, we were so clueless back then. In those days kids just didn't get a lot of counsel about being a grown up. At least not from our families anyway.

A lot of what we learned from our parents came from old sayings; adages with a little something to mull over or worse, things that made little sense at all. Not that helpful, after all we already knew we weren't going to eat our babies! Anyone over 30 was an old fogie, and definitely had no clue about what being young and in love and cool was about. At 21, 30 seemed like an eternity away.

The Climb!

So you learn, line upon line, precept upon precept about what love is and what it isn't. It isn't about all happiness and bliss because what smooths the rough edges off that incredible diamond we call marriage is work, and adversity and becoming, and accepting the things you cannot change and getting over yourself. It is becoming we from me. It is not easy. Love is a verb. It is not something you feel or get from someone, that is something else. Love is something you give.

I believe that just about any two people can make it work once that concept takes hold. What did the Savior say? "As I have loved you, Love one another." We don't see the Savior sitting back waiting for us to love Him, or pouting or getting mad or getting even, if we don't reciprocate His love. He simply loves us. Not because of who we are but because of who He is. And if someone moves away and a distance is felt in the relationship; it is us, not Him. His love is steadfast, certain, unconditional.

Even as imperfect humans we can draw close to that kind of love if we do something. We can't stand back and wait for our spouse to be the magnanimous one. It has to be us that steps out and loves. Looking out to each other ~ not inward to all our own little needs and wants.

"Greater love hath no man than this, that a man lay down his life for his friends." Could that not be a clue on how marriage and family is supposed to be? Could it not be thought of in these terms...Greater love hath no man than he that lay down his selfishness for his spouse, who actually is his family?

Anyway, these are thoughts I have been having lately about marriage and love and as I have tried to focus more on these things my love has blossomed more and more towards my very best friend and husband. As I try to follow Jesus Christ...a funny thing happens. My husband becomes more and more perfect in my eyes. When Christ works in our lives, miracles happen.

Once we were two floundering kids in love, trying to make sense of it all and we are now beginning to really get it. And I wouldn't give up this journey; this labor of love, for anything in the world. The bigger the price the more valuable the gift.

I don't know what this type of love should be called in the new version of the English language with 200 words for Love. But it is sure different than the way I love other people, or places, or things. It is that special love that you have to cultivate with just your one eternal companion. And that what we have celebrating at our house today! And a dozen red roses and a few little chocolates and mushy cards made it all the more fun! So for all of you that were wondering if the over 50 (ahem) 60 set does that sort of thing....we do!

Love is Not a Feeling. ♥ is a Verb!
It is about Cultivation of the ♥ (Heart!)

And that is a wrap for Valentine's Day 2012
I hope yours was great!

Happy Valentine's Day!

Now this is a Valentine worth remembering!

Happy Valentine's Day!

Good Morning Family and Friends,

You may have notice I haven't been posting as much on this blog lately. My focus has been carried away by many things and I have been studying family history and genealogy lately and have fallen in love, hook line and sinker. This is such rewarding and fascinating work and one that I feel is so important. Honoring and getting to know our progenitors as well as our posterity is such and intrical part of who we are and who we become. I have learned so much about families as I have put my heart and soul into this. So the family focus has sharpened and I have devoted a lot more time to that than I ever did before. Not just the immediate family but the generational families in our family tree.

Don't worry though, I am not going to stop blogging as long as I can think and type I'll be here. It is such a way of life for me and something I enjoy so much. And the wonderful friends you have all become is such a joy to me and I want to keep up with all of you. Please don't give up on me.

I have had a couple of thoughts about the blogging. One is, I need to retire this blog and start a brand new one. I am nearing 1600 posts on this blog and the search engine just doesn't work anymore. Every time I want to look for something I cannot find it because the search engine times out. Sometime in the next few months I want to turn my attention to doing something new and different. I feel this blog has gotten stale and that you might be tired of it at this juncture. I'll let you know for sure and have a forwarding url remain on this blog.

My first priority right now after my immediate family, has got to be my studying as I have been asked to do some teaching at the regional Family History Center and I want to make sure I do my best. I need to be ready to do that in April or possibly May. It is a big responsibility and I take it very seriously. I have also been working on my Legacy Blog. This past weekend Jim and I started hosting and moderating a genealogy study group in our home on Sunday afternoons. That takes a lot of prep time right now. But soon hopefully we will be sharing the teaching with other members of the group and all learning together. Also for some reason I cannot explain, my design consulting has picked up again.

Now I must confess that Pinterest.com has taken over my leisure time and I use it to relax my eyes and brain. It is everything I love. Beautiful designs and photography, helpful hints and organizing ideas for future use. It is all about people, places and things and the beauties of nature and God and recipes and great quotes and funny things. So since it is Valentine's Day I made a pin board for all of you with lots fun photos and links. Most pictures are links to the place where the photo was first pinned, often times a blog. Double click to open and then single click until you come to the origin of the pin. It is usually two or three times of clicking once. Anyway the board I made for Valentines Day has something there that reminds me of all the people I love in my life...and you are many. So just enjoy the link and know I was thinking of you when I made it.

http://pinterest.com/onedesigner/hearts-valentines/

Now I haven't been reading blogs lately but I did run across this post a few weeks ago and thought it was so good so I bookmarked it. I really hope you will come back and read it. This lady is a phenomenal blogger and photographer and has really captured something great here. Turn up your speakers and enjoy a little gift for Valentine's Day! Enjoy and know that you are loved by me even though I am on a self-imposed sabbatical right now. Happy Valentine's Day to You and Yours!

http://wwwcastlescrownscottages.blogspot.com/2012/01/falling-up.html

Thoughts on Becoming One in Marriage

In this series on Valentine Thoughts I have written about Unity, Acceptance and Growth. I think it is important that we not only get along with our spouse but that we also Become One through making a concerted effort to make that happen.

As our lives become busier and busier during the child rearing, career building years, it is easy to just have tandem lives running in the same direction. It takes an effort to stay connected lest we wake up one day when the kids are gone and wonder who that person next to us really is. Tandem lives are lonely lives. They often result from taking the easy road day by day.

I find it ironic that we often give less to our spouse than anyone else because we think that is a 'safety zone.' We have a way of assuming that marriage=unconditional love from the get go, but in reality I think that takes a life time of honing, effort and work. I think God gives us a glimpse of unconditional love with the birth of a child and then expects us to come to that place with everyone else. Especially our spouses.

Hazel

If you think you have unconditional love for your spouse just naturally, ask yourself would you be willing to put up with abuse, infidelity, drug addiction, etc? Most people would run, not walk to an attorney, all things being equal. They may not actually do it but they will definitely think about it. Now I know there are cases where true repentance and true forgiveness work miracles and love is restored and strengthened through huge adversity. I am just saying that with our spouses we love differently than we do our children. And that total, unconditional love in marriage is a process. When people talk about marriage being work, that process is what they mean. It is not hard to love your spouse, but it is hard to love them unconditionally without time and effort. You can not fall into unconditional love at first sight.

I appreciate that our church teaches us ways to achieve that oneness with each other. So the first thing that I think helps is sharing a common operating system to live by. For us is is our faith and the religion we share. That is our foundation. I often think that in cases where you don't have that it takes years to find a point of reference with another person. I know we struggled with that before we came to a meeting of the minds on the basics. And I also know we didn't even know we didn't have it, until after the fact. Sometimes you don't know what you were missing until you do have it.


That common foundation gives you a platform to work from in all you do. It assumes you have a common goal, common values, common paradigms. We have been counseled as a church to put God first and then spouse and then children. If those get out of order it usually creates a big problem.

We are encouraged to pray together as a couple. I cannot think of one more important thing than that. Not only does it bring you closer to God but it aligns you with your spouse and your common goals every single day. In prayer you can share things with your spouse about your aspirations, hopes and dreams in ways you simply don't during other times of the day. You can apologize and show humility for the wrongs you have done and show a true desire to make things better. In prayer you do not discuss, but simply state the deep thoughts within your heart. No one will interrupt you or argue about a shared thought in prayer. You can express love and appreciation to your spouse in those very excellent communication moments. It is a beautiful way to start and end each day. It is the perfect way to keep intimacy between you. Intimacy is about honestly sharing your heart and mind completely, contrary to the world view.

We are encouraged by our church leaders to have a date night every week. This helps insure some quality one on one time together. The dating paradigm conjures up fun, romance, wholesome shared activities. It also implies by the very doing of it, that this is so important that dedicated time is set aside each week just for each other.

Make it Special Sometimes

This is brilliant counsel! Is there any couple out there that would not feel better about marriage if this was something to look forward to each week? These two things alone, prayer and date night strengthen families at the core..the couple. The good effects of simply doing these things ripples blessings into the rest of the family and everyone you meet.

Or just watch a movie at home~our favorite!

You have heard the saying.."When Mama ain't happy, ain't nobody happy!" Can anyone dispute that? The same applies for daddies. Why is it human nature to kick against things that make life better?

Time

It took us a long time to learn this but now Friday night is a sacred night for us. And if we do find we need to make a commitment on Friday night that date night is automatically moved to Saturday night. We don't skip it because we need it. And we don't get out of bed before we pray together either. Again, not something we have always done but for the last several years we have never missed. These two things have brought us closer than just about anything I can think of that we have tried to incorporate into our marriage to strengthen it.

We've made some progress since we were here.
Thank Heavens!

Becoming One= ♥!