Tuesday, April 1, 2014

I Admit It~I Am A Wimp!

See these pretty little (wimpy) pansies? 
They are beautiful in their own delicate and fragile way.
I wonder if the Lord sometimes sees us in this way.
Just like a gardener nurtures and feeds and 
waters them to keep them alive and thriving ~
He does the same for us.

In our life we have been incredibly blessed in every way.  We know what makes us happy and try to live that plan, doing what we can with the choices we make.  Most days contain a lot of wonder and joy and plenty of great things.  We credit that to God's Plan of Happiness and we thrive on it.

This does not in any way negate that I know full well that adversity is on the horizon,  if I am not in the thick of it at any given moment.  I understand why we must have adversity and that it gives us strength and refinement.  It also makes us humble, a very necessary component to our spiritual growth and development.  It is a way of scraping off our prideful barnacles and that is so necessary. I know God's plan includes the exact things we need to give us the best possible chances of learning to rely fully on His grace.  Knowing this as I do, sometimes I am a wimp anyway....

When the hard times come it takes me a few days to adjust to the impact of it, to get my bearings and to step up to the plate.  The natural woman in me wants to head right into denial, push back against it and try to figure it out on my own.  When I am fumbling and bumbling around in it I get mad at myself for not being better at it.  In those moments I get upset about the situation, then I get crabby and become even more ineffective.  Being human makes us vulnerable.  That is exactly where satan wants us...at the point of feeling like giving up, losing some faith in Christ's care~that way the devil can have his way with us.

This is a pretty good rundown of what has happened inside of me the past four days.  I am so thankful Jim has had his surgery and that he is doing well.  It is nothing short of a miracle that he is healed of an infirmity that in another time and place would have put an end to his mobility and made it impossible for him to function as he loves so dearly.  Being on the go is his life line.

But in spite of knowing that, these past days I have been discouraged about the day to day of the recovery, the endless list of things I was doing all day long every day, not feeling adequate, knees hurting more than ever, and getting constant advise.   It is hard to see him in pain and suffering.  As most women tend to be, I just want to fix it and make it better and I want it yesterday.

I will say each day has gotten better as I have been more prepared to meet it.  It just takes me a few days to gather my wits and my tools, remember what I know, place my priorities in the right order and to let go of my pride that makes me want to be in control and a fixer.

This morning I woke up feeling more hopeful when I read this entry from a little book entitled Jesus Calling. I felt it was written for me to read on this exact day.  I am copying it here to share with you, in case you too may be looking for a way to deal with your own dose of adversity.

"I am calling you to a life of constant communication with Me.  
Basic training includes learning to live above your circumstances, even while interacting on that cluttered plane of life. You yearn for a simplified lifestyle, so that your communication with Me can be uninterrupted.  But I challenge you to relinquish the fantasy of an uncluttered world.  Accept each day just as it comes, and find Me in the midst of it all.

Talk with Me about every aspect of your day, including your feelings. Remember that your ultimate goal is not to control or fix everything around you; it is to keep communing with Me.  A successful day is one in which you have stayed in touch with Me, even if many things remain undone at the end of the day.  Do not let your to-do list (written or mental) become an idol directing your life. Instead ask for My Spirit to guide you moment by moment.  He will keep you close to Me.

Pray Continually ~ 1 Thessalonians 5:17
Proverbs 3:6  In all your ways acknowledge him and he will make your path straight." 

(Jesus Calling, a little non-sectarian Christian devotional book that is also available at the app store for your mobile devices.)

This reminded me that my focus needs to be on prayer and not feeling I need to do the hard things alone.  It reminded me to do the best I can with faith in Christ and the rest will fall into place.  It reminded me that there are times when I need to set my fears and frustrations aside and just be in His presence fully. It raised my consciousness out of the day-to-day and reminded me we are spiritual beings having an earthly experience.  That sometimes that earthly experience is a hard one but I need to keep focused on my target.  It helped me recognize that the work of caring for a recovering patient is not the issue...the battle was going on inside of me.

Now I feel better equipped to let it go.  To let the Lord carry me through this and to feel of His comfort in the process.  It helps me lay this burden down at His feet as He has admonished me to do. It made me realize I am truly a wimp and need Him every hour.  It made me thankful to serve him and Him.  It restored my faith in God and myself to do this together.  His inspiration and my hands and heart.  It filled me with more charity and love and a desire to serve in the best way I can with a better attitude.

After all this is what adversity is for in the long run.  Helping us learn who we are, what our weaknesses are and how to improve and be strengthened with the Lord's help.  Why does it take me so many times to learn this and go with the will of the Lord for me no matter what it may be?  And then to be grateful for it all and for the loving family and friends that stand behind us and pray for both of us to come through this thing like a couple of rock stars.  With this particular adversity...one of us is most assuredly a rock star and the other one is in training and on the way.

Just after surgery in recovery=
Rock Star

Happy Hat back on=
Wimpy Pansy in Training...
(Soon to be Rock Starlet :-)


Nellie's Cozy place said...

Hi Bonnie,
You are already a rock star sweetie,
everyone struggles at some time,
we get a lot of hard things handed to us at times, and it can take us
off our equilibrium for a time, but we always rise up again.......3 or 4 days is nothing..........some people never regain their equilibrium....
now that is something to worry about. Hope Jim is doing well, I am sure he is loving his sweet nurse.......it is hard to watch your hubby go thru stuff, but great we have the ability and time to help them when they need us.
Will sure be praying for you both and for a very speedy recovery. How long do they say it should take?? Tell him to mind his nurse and to do everything they tell him, so he doesn't have any kind of relapse.

Love and Blessings, Nellie

Sister Susie Says said...

Hi, Bonnie.
I'm glad to read Jim is progressing as are you. Thank you for your sharing. Your blog applied to me too though not in a surgery of the body, but one of the "heart."
You are not a "wimp" but one who perseveres! Paul's message of perseverance surely applies to us all! Romans 5:3-4 Know you are in my prayers. Love you all, Susan