Saturday, February 25, 2012

Like Mother Like Daughter~Reprise


"Mirror, mirror on the wall... I am my mother after all!"

I saw a pillow that had that embroidered on it and had to chuckle. Don't you remember when your mom use to drive you a little nuts? Come on...admit it! I do. I use to think she was kinda out of it and didn't get the way the modern world worked very much at all. I was pretty sure I knew a better way. Of course I was a teenager then. It is amazing how much smarter our parents get as we get older. So many times lately I think..."Oh, that is what mom meant...I get it now." So many times I wish she was still alive so I could compliment her on her great wisdom in so many areas of everyday life.


The funny part is so many times you get those same feelings on the other side of the fence. I know my kids sometimes roll their eyes and think.."Oh, Mother!" They would probably say... I'm clueless! It is just part of the cycle of life and the way things work.

We learn many things after the fact. I can remember thinking as a kid, I will never do that when I grow up and become a mom...but, ironically you do. That is when you smile to yourself and wish you had that pillow! But you don't really need the pillow because you just know!

That thing that drove you crazy then is now mysteriously a part of who you have become! From my vantage point on this side of 50...I think it is poetic justice. I feel myself smiling when I think of how comical it really is. I think of the things people say to their kids when they are upset..."I hope you get a kid just like you!" Another funny one might be, "I hope you turn out just like me!" Of course you'd want to add "but better" but you don't tell them that then!

The truth is we just don't get certain things until we have experienced them ourselves. That is the pearl of great price in getting older! No amount of telling can replace being there yourself. As a mother, once in awhile you have to just bite your tongue and not say I told you so! But eventually we come to a certain meeting of the minds as mothers and daughters that just creates a friendship like no other, in the best of all worlds.

What got me thinking about this this morning was a series of posts on a sweet young woman's blog who just had a fun mommy/daughter time with her mom, my friend, Caroline. Nicki is a nanny and Caroline got to spend a week with her in NY recently. It was just so wonderful to read of her thoughts on her mom and how they have changed as she had become a young adult. Nicki's account of the visit can be found on her blog and here is just an excerpt that I thought was so precious.


Caroline & Nicki

Nicki said. "On our very last day together Mom taught me how to make homemade bread. A few months ago I tried to teach myself and it was nothing short of disaster, so this time around I was happy to have her expertise! It came out beautifully! We shared hot bread together before it was time to drive to the airport. A great way to end a wonderful visit.

I drove her to the airport that afternoon and to say that we were both a tad melancholy is acutely accurate. When it was time to say goodbye we hugged extra long and cried a little bit. Ariana had fallen asleep in the car and as I drove home I cried a little more.

It's funny to think of the progression of our relationship. Over the past few years it's morphed into a stronger friendship, I am so grateful for that. As a kid she was the Mommy who snuggled me and wrote notes on the napkins she put in my brown bag lunches. As a teenager she was the Mom who had to know "when, what, where & who?" and told me, "You could argue with a fence post!" {sorry about that one, Mom}. And now, as whatever I am, she's become my best friend, my shoulder to cry on, my outlet, my confidant, my go-to, my foundation and my example. I love it. There's nothing like a week of having your Mama all to yourself... can't wait until next time!"

This just touched me so much and made me think of my own mom and my daughters all at the same time. I am glad to be sandwiched in between such amazing women; mom and Jen and Laura who equal 100% happiness for me. I also I felt a lot of joy for my friend, Caroline, and for her job that has obviously been very well done!"

And it also made me feel sad for those wonderful women who have been such great moms. They have given their all but never have this experience with their daughters because their daughters have been given their agency to choose how they will treat their mothers. Sadly, in some cases it is quite different than this example of a mom and daughter who are best friends.


I just love it when I read something that really makes me feel something deep inside, that speaks truth to my soul in the way this blog post did. Thank you, Nicki and Caroline!

I am happy to say I am more like my mom than I could have ever dreamed possible. How can that not be when no one influences you more than your mom in your formative years and even after they are gone? I can still hear my mom's words in my head and heart.

Here is a slide show of the moms and daughters (and a few dads and sons) in our family that I made long ago.






1 comments:

Marie said...

Loved the slide post and your thoughts Bonnie. My mother/daughter experience has not been a very good one. I had hoped for so much more. I love my own mother with all of my heart, and I love spending time with her, be it in person or over the telephone. I know that she is my biggest fan, and support and that she always loves me no matter what, when or how. She is my mother, my confidante, my greatest friend. My ooldest daughter, by virtue of her handicap, will always be a little girl in so many ways and I can never hope to have the same relationship with her that I have with my own mom. I had hoped that I would be able to have this type of a relationship with my other daughter. Mother/daughter is a very special thing and kinship . . . but my youngest daughter has no feelings for me whatsoever. I am nothing to her and she has excluded me from her life pretty much totally. It breaks my heart, but I continue to pray that the Lord will soften her heart and that a healing can come about. That would be wonderful to me. Love you lots. xxoo