Saturday, September 12, 2009

Hindsight is 20/20

Meadow of Dreams

This past week has been just so crazy. Honestly it has reminded me of years gone by when I had to just run between a million things, not being able to give anything a 100% of my effort. I know we all have seasons of our lives when that is the norm. That big snowball is just unrelenting sometimes. That juggling act in today's world can be pretty tough with so many things to do and no time to really call your own.

When I was a working mother, caring for my own mom with serious health issues, had a calling with a lot of responsibility at church, was managing the money for the high school choir, keeping house, paying bills, shopping and feeding the family, chauffeuring carpool kids, the aerobic heartbeat was just normal...all the time. Never once did I have the feeling that I was done with everything on my plate...there was always something more to do. Looking back now I can see that perhaps, it was not the healthiest way to do business.

Looking back now I wish I had taken more time to do fun things. I wish I had taken more time to just "be." I wish I had taken time to contemplate things, ponder, pray more and relax. I wish I had been less task oriented and more visionary. I wish I had spent more time with all the important people in my life and I wish that I had not given so much of myself to a thankless job that drained me of any kind of quality I had to give to my real life. At the time I thought I was doing fine, I could do it all. But now looking, I couldn't. Who can really?

Now after being out of the 9 to 5 nightmare for almost 6 years I can see what a blessing it is to be a stay at home homemaker. I can visualize how much more wonderful those earlier years would have been just being able to concentrate on the things I love most of all...God and family life.

Hind sight is 20/20. Being at home and creating a place we love to be is such a blessing. It is so nice to savor the experience, to feel the joy of keeping things more clean and organized and doing the little things that make a big difference. It is wonderful to have time to dream and plan and do the things I needed to do forever but just couldn't fit in to the schedule. It is so wonderful to have time. Time to do the things that are enriching and creative and strengthening to our family and those we serve. I love it.

I am so grateful for a good husband who is a phenomenal worker and who is willing and happy to allow me this time at home without the pressures of bringing in more $ and stuff. I am thankful for his understanding and encouraging me to develop my talents and run my business on my own relaxed time table. I could have turned it into another frenetic episode in my life by never being satisfied with the profits, etc., but I deliberately have not wanted that. It is OK for it to be just enough. It has remained a wonderful creative outlet that I enjoy because I have not allowed it to take over what is most important to me.

I have learned how to relax and to enjoy each day. I am OK if my calendar is not jammed to capacity, in fact, I don't want it to be. I have learned that it is OK to be home alone and doing nothing sometimes. Success in your life is not measured by how many trips out your driveway you make in a week to go do something.

This past week when things got so crazy like in the old days I knew that I cannot ever go back to that life style again. I can't, because I do not want to do it anymore. That racing heart came back just like before, it is like don't forget it. I know that I am progressing in my life even if I have slowed things down. It might seem odd that a person can progress by putting on the skids on certain things. The notion seems like an oxymoron but from my perspective, it isn't. "Man is that he might have joy"...women too. I am learning that you need time and energy to actually experience lasting joy. It is pretty hard to have when you are always multi-tasking.

I like deja vu experiences now and again to keep me aware..... I am not going back. I have learned that if I don't manage my schedule manages me. Another thing I have learned is to be more patient with the 'to do' list. Everything doesn't have to be done right will keep... if something more important comes my way, I do it. I am learning to be a human being, not just a human doing. And I like myself better this way.

Beautiful flickr photos!


Connie said...

So true, Bon! Thanks for the timely reminder. It was a crazy week!!! :)

LA Adams said...

Your pictures are beautiful. It's nice to be around beautiful things and people. It's really nice to savor them. Thanks.

Shaun at Oak Den said...

Hi Bonnie,
I'm taking some time to get caught up with e-mail and favorite blogs. We;re having a great trip! We had a few days in Marseille, then four days in Angers staying with a family my husband taught on his mission, and this evening we arrived in Paris, and we'll be here until Friday.

This post follows thoughts I've been having since being in France and especially while staying with the wonderful family we just left. They are so content with what they have and live such a beautifully sweet and simple life. I am so struck with how we, in America, seem to want more and bigger so much. Big houses full of more stuff. Big cars with more room. I'm not accustomed to taking 2 hours to eat each meal, laughing and talking and relaxing while we eat simple breads and cheeses and garden fresh fruits and vegetables. There is much to learn about how to enjoy a simpler life. As you said, it is about God and family and friends, I'm more inspired to have more simplicity.

I hope this next week can be more calm for you!

xo Shauna