Monday, February 7, 2011

Acceptance~A Valentine's Day Thought

I think men and women spend a good portion of their first years together trying to make their spouse be just like them. I know we did. I wanted Jim to think like me, do what I wanted to do, dream like I did, enjoy what I narcissistic can a person get? I can also remember feeling that same kind of pressure from him. I was always trying to reinvent myself to be more like him. For those of you that know us this probably sounds pretty funny. We are like polar opposites on many, many things. Our personalities are very different. Our marriage has been like mixing water and oil in many ways. We are the quintessential difference between the apple and the orange. We all give lip service to the notion that you cannot change another person but I bet if the truth were known, we have all done our darnest to disprove that one.

He likes one thing, I like another. He likes to camp and hike and take managed, I like the comforts of home and sleeping in a real bed. I detest carrying what I need for survival on my back (seriously carrying pots and pans and food and bedding is fun??) Really? Rarely do I willingly take risks..managed or otherwise. I don't like leaving my comfort zone or safety net much..he doesn't have one. I use to love dancing, but he is not a fan and doesn't even listen to music that much. Me..I have to have it, it is like air to me~ music is a huge part of my life. He is very mechanical and logical and a great leader. I have trouble with anything mechanical, I operate from my emotional base and love to work out of the spotlight.

He is a dash-always running onto the next event, I am a dot. I like to savor an experience before moving on. He has got to be on the go and moving 24~7, I am happiest reading, writing, staying home and I enjoy a balance between activities and relaxing. We both love being busy but our definitions of that are quite different.

So how does this work over 42 years? Does he ever dance? Yes. Do I ever camp? Yes. Have we converted each other...not really. We do it for the other one and that makes it good in spite of itself. You know how the scriptures talk about 'kicking against the pricks, right? You have to stop doing that. God created your spouse and there is no ""do over" that you are in charge of. Accepting that is a major step towards a mature kind of loving relationship.

Mixing and over lapping like a wedding ring quilt~works!

Accept your differences and relish them. There are two for a reason. The synergy of the two of you, both different and wonderful, is what God had in mind when He instituted marriage. You each bring your gifts and talents to the marriage to benefit your family, to learn from each other, to compensate for and lift each other, to be more as two than you could ever be as one. The last thing you should want is to be the same~you diminish your resources by half if you are.

Real love is based on commitment for the long haul, acceptance, and a lot of giving up of the things about ourselves that make us selfish. What makes a marriage strong is working towards unconditional love for our spouse and sharing a life time of experiences. Then you truly become one. What makes all that possible is shared beliefs, goals and vision. It is looking beyond what I want and am and seeing what we can potentially be together. It is loving God and being willing to learn His ways. It is knowing that in marriage, "we" are more important than either one of us individually.

From This Day Forward And Forever
Acceptance =


Julie Harward said...

I loved that Bonnie and it's all so true. Seems like nowadays, it really requires commitment big time. I think in these last days many of the very elect will be fooled by Satan and many families destroyed becuase of it. We have to be so in guard all the time.

Marie said...

Beautiful post Bon! It took me a lifetime to find someone I could be myself with. There is nothing better on earth than being able to share your life with someone who accepts you as you are. xxoo

Caroline Craven said...

What a great post. I am so happy to hear that Jim doesn't like to dance. I don't think I've danced since we've been married - maybe a couple of times, but its not Kent's favorite. And I don't love to golf. A little comparison of my own - essential oils are great on their own, but you really get to see the best of each when you bring two (or more)together to work synergistically.

laura.elizabeth said...

I could not agree more! Acceptance really is love.

One of the things I appreciate most about having you and dad as parents is how different you are. I feel so blessed to have learned so many different things from each of you. Including how to embrace and accept and adore those people that are wonderfully different from me.

Thanks for being you! I love you and accept you just the way you are!

Nellie's Cozy place said...

Hi Bon Bon,
Lovely post and oh, so true! Opposites attract, and then sometimes attack!! The best way is to see and appreciate that your spouse is different for the purpose of complimenting you and vice versa.
Acceptance definitely spells LOVE
Big time!
I think it is really what we all crave, and when we are around someone who does accept us for who
we are, we relax and become more of who we are, but acceptance doesn't equate to tolerating sinful habits
tho......sometimes those must be confronted by speaking the truth in love!!
Have a great day hon,
Love ya, Nellie

Sister Susie said...

Every single person has their comfort zone! The joy is seeing how much we can stretch without breaking! It can be surprising!
Encourage the other person, "Come on, you'll like it!" And, if they don't, the fun is in altering it until they do!
Love to you and yours,

Jim said...

Bonnie is right about our being fundamentally different but some how we made it work. I think we are like those really good dancers you see moving about the dance floor with seemingly effortless grace. In reality, like those dancers, we do not make the same moves, locked stepped in a march of sameness. Rather, I think we have learned to live in harmony this our differences, anticipating the other person's move and then adjusting ours. Good dancers, good lovers, good sports teams do why shouldn't we.