Tuesday, December 16, 2008

Not Me Monday

There is a blog that runs this post every Monday and she tells about all the things she couldn't possibly have done through the week. Well, this is my Not Me Monday entry!

I didn't buy this great sparkly cardigan sweatshirt that I love a few weeks ago and I definitely did not wear it to Wal*Mart before the sun came up this morning to pick up some last minutes gifts~don't worry they weren't for you. I get yours at Nieman Marcus! I absolutely did not run out the door after showering, hair fluffing and make-up without giving myself the once over in the mirror before heading out. It could not possibly be true that I shopped for an hour in Wal*Mart going up and down every aisle nodding and smiling at perfect strangers because I am so out going and gregarious at 7:30 am. I did not ask several Wal*Mart employees for directions to various items they sell nor did I talk to this lady for a few minutes when my sparkling cider bottle almost fell out of my cart and she did not say, I was just trying to get some attention. I did not stand still in a long line to check out in Wal*Mart with several people in front of me and behind me. They definitely did not think to themselves, what is such a fashionable and gentile lady doing here, of all places, at this ungodly hour?

And there is no earthly way that as I was walking to the car I looked down and saw some strings on the front of my sweatshirt and realized to my absolute horror that it was on inside out. It is not a sweatshirt that has beaded snowflakes on it with threads hanging out in little clusters on the inside (resembling chest hairs!) Nor does the sweatshirt have a big black tag on the inside of the gray sweatshirt the size of a CD cover that shouts out the mortifying size of the blankity blank thing, for the entire world to see. And it is absolutely untrue that a woman appeared out of nowhere in the parking lot and heard me cracking up and talking to myself and she did not look at me like I was a lunatic. Nope, that definitely did not happen to me this morning because if it did, I certainly would not be broadcasting it to respectable people like you on the Internet! I have way too much pride for that. And sorry, but I never did get to Nieman Marcus to get your present either! And I uncatagorically deny, to the best of my recollection, that this is a typical day in the life of a frazzled, shall we say "middle-aged" woman? Nope, no sir~ not at all. Tata for now, not because there isn't more, but because its not even Monday~its Wednesday already!

Yours truly~

Not a Walmart Fashionista of the Year Nominee

And oh yes...'Tis the Season...and even though I did not get a little off track here...I am jumping back into the Christmas thing now with.....

Hark the Harried Angels Sing!

In ONE WEEK this will all be behind us for another year!


Laura said...

SO funny. Oh, I have so NOT been there, definately not, ever. And I most definately have not gotten in the car and changed my shirt to the right way in open view of the public. No, I am much too mannerly for that type of poor behavior.

I just hate when things like that happen.

Miss Jen said...

Ohhhhhh Mamma Mia! this is too awesome! Or should I say NOT awesome?? What a crack up! I'll have to check out the other blog too. Thanks for a good chuckle!

Bonnie said...

Lanette said:

"Bonnie - you crack me up with the not me Monday. It reminds me (I may have already told you this). I stopped by Safeway on the way home from my WW meeting. People were being so friendly, making eye contact and smiling. I thought, "Wow the Christmas spirit is really alive and well." Suddenly I realized I still had my nametag on that says I lost 65 pounds in 2006!! Yikes. I'm sure you gave some people a nice little giggle - or they felt sorry for the poor homeless lady.... either way it's a fabulous story and the perfect blog - worth the torment for sure."

girlsmama said...

That is hysterical! Thanks for sharing.

Connie said...

I cannot stop laughing!!! Oh, my darling Bon!!! What I wouldn't have given to have seen that in real life....of course, then it wouldn't have happened, because I am a true friend and would have alerted you to the impending disaster before it actually turned into one. (If I would have noticed. There's always the chance that I wouldn't have...) Thanks for the laugh!!!!! Sorry I missed your phone call--I was on the phone with Shelli's MIL, so I couldn't exactly put her on hold. :) Love you dearly, my funny, funny friend!!!!!!!!!!!!

Sal Gal said...

I love it! I want to start one of my own!