Tuesday, December 16, 2008

Not Me Monday


There is a blog that runs this post every Monday and she tells about all the things she couldn't possibly have done through the week. Well, this is my Not Me Monday entry!

I didn't buy this great sparkly cardigan sweatshirt that I love a few weeks ago and I definitely did not wear it to Wal*Mart before the sun came up this morning to pick up some last minutes gifts~don't worry they weren't for you. I get yours at Nieman Marcus! I absolutely did not run out the door after showering, hair fluffing and make-up without giving myself the once over in the mirror before heading out. It could not possibly be true that I shopped for an hour in Wal*Mart going up and down every aisle nodding and smiling at perfect strangers because I am so out going and gregarious at 7:30 am. I did not ask several Wal*Mart employees for directions to various items they sell nor did I talk to this lady for a few minutes when my sparkling cider bottle almost fell out of my cart and she did not say, I was just trying to get some attention. I did not stand still in a long line to check out in Wal*Mart with several people in front of me and behind me. They definitely did not think to themselves, what is such a fashionable and gentile lady doing here, of all places, at this ungodly hour?

And there is no earthly way that as I was walking to the car I looked down and saw some strings on the front of my sweatshirt and realized to my absolute horror that it was on inside out. It is not a sweatshirt that has beaded snowflakes on it with threads hanging out in little clusters on the inside (resembling chest hairs!) Nor does the sweatshirt have a big black tag on the inside of the gray sweatshirt the size of a CD cover that shouts out the mortifying size of the blankity blank thing, for the entire world to see. And it is absolutely untrue that a woman appeared out of nowhere in the parking lot and heard me cracking up and talking to myself and she did not look at me like I was a lunatic. Nope, that definitely did not happen to me this morning because if it did, I certainly would not be broadcasting it to respectable people like you on the Internet! I have way too much pride for that. And sorry, but I never did get to Nieman Marcus to get your present either! And I uncatagorically deny, to the best of my recollection, that this is a typical day in the life of a frazzled, shall we say "middle-aged" woman? Nope, no sir~ not at all. Tata for now, not because there isn't more, but because its not even Monday~its Wednesday already!

Yours truly~

Not a Walmart Fashionista of the Year Nominee


And oh yes...'Tis the Season...and even though I did not get a little off track here...I am jumping back into the Christmas thing now with.....

Hark the Harried Angels Sing!

In ONE WEEK this will all be behind us for another year!

6 comments:

Laura said...

SO funny. Oh, I have so NOT been there, definately not, ever. And I most definately have not gotten in the car and changed my shirt to the right way in open view of the public. No, I am much too mannerly for that type of poor behavior.

I just hate when things like that happen.

Miss Jen said...

Ohhhhhh Mamma Mia! this is too awesome! Or should I say NOT awesome?? What a crack up! I'll have to check out the other blog too. Thanks for a good chuckle!

Bonnie said...

Lanette said:

"Bonnie - you crack me up with the not me Monday. It reminds me (I may have already told you this). I stopped by Safeway on the way home from my WW meeting. People were being so friendly, making eye contact and smiling. I thought, "Wow the Christmas spirit is really alive and well." Suddenly I realized I still had my nametag on that says I lost 65 pounds in 2006!! Yikes. I'm sure you gave some people a nice little giggle - or they felt sorry for the poor homeless lady.... either way it's a fabulous story and the perfect blog - worth the torment for sure."

girlsmama said...

That is hysterical! Thanks for sharing.

Connie said...

I cannot stop laughing!!! Oh, my darling Bon!!! What I wouldn't have given to have seen that in real life....of course, then it wouldn't have happened, because I am a true friend and would have alerted you to the impending disaster before it actually turned into one. (If I would have noticed. There's always the chance that I wouldn't have...) Thanks for the laugh!!!!! Sorry I missed your phone call--I was on the phone with Shelli's MIL, so I couldn't exactly put her on hold. :) Love you dearly, my funny, funny friend!!!!!!!!!!!!

Sal Gal said...

I love it! I want to start one of my own!