Thursday, November 5, 2009

Melancholy Baby

It has been seven years today since my mom left this earth life for a better place with our Savior. It has been a long seven years without her near. I thought I'd re-post what I wrote last year. Cannot let the day go by without you all knowing how special she was and what lies within my heart and soul today.....

I have been thinking about my mother more than usual lately. This month marks the 6th year anniversary of her death. The first thought that I had this morning when I awakened was that when your mother dies, a big piece of you goes with her. Ironically, she also become a bigger part of you at the exact same time. There is that big hole in your heart, a quiet, sacred place where she will always remain. I often think of the ways that she lead and gently guided and always walked beside me.

I was struck with the feeling that there really cannot be a closer bond than that of mother and child, it is such a special and unique love. I am not saying it is more important than your love for your spouse, I am just saying the unconditional love for our spouse is something we strive for all of our lives and a lot of conditions are placed on that love. There must be trust, fidelity, etc., etc. I like to think in most cases of motherhood, selflessness is just a part of it from the beginning. For a good mother...the babies wants and needs and comfort always come first.

I think the mother/child relationship is the first place in our lives where we can feel and understand what unconditional love really is. It is the first place we get an inkling of how we are loved by God. I know not everyone has this kind of mother or is this kind of mother, but the potential is really there in the mother/child relationship like no other.

I am blessed to have a mother that knew and understood this. She was my biggest fan, my confidante, my very special friend and always there for me. In so many ways she truly gave her life for me and I miss her. Often times when I am just feeling melancholy...if I search my soul I find I am either thinking of her or one of our own children and missing them.

On Sunday we were reading and discussing the last verse in the Old Testament in Sunday School. Here is one of the places where family relationships are put into to their proper perspective. If the hearts of the fathers and the hearts of the children are not turned to each other the earth will be smitten with a curse. I know this verse has various layers of meaning but perhaps we are already seeing some of this 'smiting' in our world right now.

Of course fathers are very important too. The relationship is just as vital, but different. There is just something so cellular about carrying and delivering a baby that makes motherhood so sacred and unique. But even more important than that is the service mothers render to children. Through that service that natural love that is born at the birth grows by leaps and knows no bounds.

I have long recognized that when my mother was old and infirmed and I cared for her that my love for her grew in the same way. Without that service for the 12 years she lived after her brain surgery, I would have never loved her in the ways I do now. I am grateful to our Father in heaven for his plan, for eternal families and for the potential for joy that can be found in each one.

What did you notice as your first thoughts this morning? For me the morning time is a great time of reflection and thought. As soon as the day gets going I tend to just muddle through putting out fires and working on my to do list. But in the morning comes the most clarity of thought in my day. I guess that makes me a lark...rather than a night owl....and a bit of a melancholy baby when thinking about my beloved mother today.

Passed from this life to a better one
on November 15, 2003

14 comments:

Caroline Craven said...

What a beautiful tribute to your mother. Looking at her pictures, the younger one looks just like Laura to me and I see resemblances of your mother in you too. I think no matter how old we or our parents are, especially our mothers, it is hard to have them leave us. And I think being mothers ourselves helps us appreciate and love our own mothers even more. What a treasure you have in your memories of her.

Bonnie said...

Thank you so much, Caroline. I have so enjoyed keeping in contact with you thorough our blogs lately.

Nancy said...

Thanks for sharing these tender thoughts about your mom. I echo your thoughts in so many ways and on many levels. In October, it was the third anniversary of my mother's death. It's been interesting for me to experience how many facets of my life are affected by her absence as well as my dad's. I'm still sorting through the emotions. One of my personal greatest blessings was that I, too, cared for my mother in her final years of her life. I call it the great circle of motherhood when you can mother your own mother. It is a gift of healing actually. I'm thankful for that opportunity and closure. Thanks for sharing your thoughts on the subject! :)

Bonnie said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Bonnie said...

Nancy, I know what you mean. It is hard to lose them and while you are going though the care giving you wonder if you can really do it. In those times I would think of all mom had done for me and then it lifted the burden and I was able to carry on. At the time I could not see through my sadness exhaustion that it was a sacred gift to be able to help her. And you are right is was the beginning of a healing process over my grief. Thanks for your comment, Nancy!

laura.elizabeth said...

Thanks Mom! I can totally relate- of course I can. YOU are my mother! I agree that through motherhood I have come to understand and feel unconditional love (like the kind God has for us) in a very real way. I am grateful everyday for great parents who loved me and taught me truth and for children for whom I am trying to do the same. It really is a perfect, beautiful plan! And one that when lived fully brings the greatest joy!

I love you mom! Thanks for being you!

Bonnie said...

And we are totally grateful for you, Laura. You have delighted Dad and I in every possible way in the way you have grown and become such a beautiful,strong woman. You are a great example to those around you and and a wonderful, daughter, wife, sister, mother and aunt and friend to many. Love you with all of my heart, sweet daughter and friend.

Connie said...

One of the many, many reasons that I love you, my precious friend, is that the feelings in our hearts are incredibly similar....You just have a much better way of saying them out loud.:) Thanks for once again stirring my heart with your beautiful words. You are such a wonderful blessing in my life, Bon. I love you!!!

LA Adams said...

Thanks Bonnie

mandy* said...

I can't believe it's been 6 years! Your mom was so wonderful. I always loved her like she was my grandma.

Bonnie said...

And Mandy, she loved you like a granddaughter...remember how she alwasy called you Dimples?

Bonnie said...

And Linda Ann, thank you for your wonderful and sweet comments on my blog 's every post. You are such a great new friend..love you, girl!

Shaun at Oak Den said...

This is so beautiful. I feel so blessed to have my mom only a few hours away (instead of in CA). I cherish the time I/we spend with her and I don't like to think about her no longer being here. She'll be 83 next month but she is doing great and I'm hoping for 10 or 15 more years! There is nothing like mother-love, to be sure. It is endless and eternal.

xo Shaun

{Bellamere Cottage} said...

Oh Bonnie.....You were right...it was as though you were writing for me. Especially about your mom being your friend and your biggest fan. I think that's what I miss the most....and I have so many questions for her. It seems like everyday something comes up and I so want to chat with her. It's taken me over a year to get my mojo back....well, at least a little bit of it. I'm finally moving ahead and it feels really good. I wish she was here to share all my projects with. I know she'd love them. (She didn't always... Many years ago I had a very primitive style. She HATED it....and told me so too!) :-)

Your mom was so lovely...She has one of those faces that you just know that she was a sweetheart. You too, by the way...

Huge huggies!

xoxo
S