Keeping The Connection #1

One of the most important thing to me is keeping the connection with our family. When the kids were little and people would say..."Enjoy every minute, they grow up so fast." I was only half listening. I was enjoying most of the moments, but it just seemed like I could not visualize when they'd be gone.

Life after 50 was just not a part of my thinking in any real way. It seemed like life was just so packed with busyiness that we neglected to spend enough time with our siblings and their families like would have been ideal. I regret this now as we missed a lot of important bonding time with our brothers, their wives and their kids because we did not proactively make it happen. And things happened in our adult lives that would have been easier with sibling support, but they largely went unnoticed because we had a hard time looking beyond the immediate needs of the day.

We did too much, we worked entirely too much, and the days turned into years and the habits were set in cement. It was not something that we all did intentionally, we have always been a loving family. We just didn't give it the priority it deserved in our busy lives. We spent holidays together and built some great traditions there but day to day we didn't do so well. I regret that I did not become the favorite aunt of any of my nieces or nephews. I have two brothers and that honor went to their mothers' sisters with whom they shared more experiences. I regret that our kids were not closer growing up.

One of my friends had a great idea about keeping cousins connected. Her name is Shaun and this is the link to her post about it.

Thanks you, Shaun,
for sharing your inspiring experiences!
They are brilliant!

The Really Big Five 0

In 1997, all three of our kids got married within four months. Yup, it's true. What a whirlwind year. I also turned 50 and had a hysterectomy. Can you say....emotional roller coaster? Life as it had always seemed to be, was over! When your kids grow up and go off to college it is one thing but when they marry it is the biggest change of all. If things go well, they are NEVER coming back! The most important chapter of the most important things you will ever do in your life has come to an end.

A New Chapter
Lowell, Jen, Jim, Bon,
Robert, Laura, Christopher, Melissa

This can be beautiful and simultaneously brutal...be forewarned if you are not there yet. We have been so blessed with wonderful new children. In spite of that, you cannot help missing life as it was in the early years. Your nuclear family becomes a sunburst of new and exciting things but the old is hard to relinquish to the passage of time.

Part of that is due to regrets like I mentioned above about just not doing things exactly as you should or could have. You just didn't have the insight you needed at the time. Thank heavens there is progression and personal growth and new understandings as we grow and mature.

So I want to spare our children from some of those same regrets and by helping them all keep the connection with each other. We want to be part of "the glue" that keeps the family strong in that connection. I have spent a lot of time in the past 12 years pondering and praying about how we can accomplish this as parents and grandparents. I know it takes a lot of effort, it doesn't just happen as I had once assumed. I truly want this for them and find frustration in the distance between us all.

Yet another chapter is in process!

Chloe and Zach sharing a cousin snuggle.
This is a big heart warmer for us.

I admit that sometimes I feel like I am failing in my attempts but I keep trying to find what works. I realize how much they all have on their plates and I want to somehow help. I am so grateful for the deep love between them. I know that part of what happens is that they are exactly where we were when we were raising them. So, so busy.

Don't get me wrong, the kids love each other and they do a lot together when they can. The cousins are better off than the past two generations for sure. I just want it to continue and keep getting better. If on my deathbed I have failed at this I will find it very devastating. I want them to be close and unified and there for each other all of their lives. A mother's work is never done...it just changes and evolves into something more important and challenging at each new stage of life.

Somehow I want them to take care of each other when we are gone. Maybe that is the deepest kind of parental love. It is the way our Father in Heaven loves us...always wanting us to care for each other.

In my next post I will share some of my ideas of how I try to do this and I would love to hear if this is as important to you as it is to me. How does your family do it? If you are a young mom, how do your parents help? If you are a grandparent how do you keep the connection with the popluation explosion that has become your new family?