Monday, June 23, 2008

Deep Down Heart Burst

Temple Square Spring 2008

O, Divine Redeemer

Words and Music by Charles Gounod

"Ah, turn me not away, receive me though unworthy.
Ah, turn me not away, receive me though unworthy.

Hear Thou my cry, hear Thou my cry,

Behold, Lord, my distress!

Answer me from Thy throne,
Haste Thee, Lord, to mine aid!

Thy pity show in my deep anguish, Thy pity show in my deep anguish.

Let not the sword of vengeance smite me,

Though righteous Thine anger, O Lord!

Shield me in danger, O regard me!
On Thee, Lord, alone will I call!

O divine Redeemer, O divine Redeemer!
I pray thee grant me pardon, And remember
Remember not my sins!

Forgive me!

O divine Redeemer! I pray Thee, grant me pardon
And remember not, remember not, O Lord, my sins!

Night gathers round my soul
Fearful, I cry to Thee,

Come to mine aid, O Lord!

Haste Thee, Lord, haste to help me!

Hear my cry, hear my cry
Save me, Lord in Thy mercy;

Hear my cry, hear my cry!

Come and save me, O Lord!

O divine Redeemer! O divine Redeemer!
I pray Thee, grant me pardon, and remember not

Remember not, O Lord, my sins!

Save in the day of retribution
From death shield Thou me, O my God!
O divine Redeemer, have mercy!
Help me Savior!"

Temple Square~Spring 2008

Have you ever had a time in your life when your response to something has really surprised you? Not because you didn't think you had it in you, but because it comes so inexplicably and from such a deep seated place and there is absolutely no warning? The wellspring of emotion just comes over you. It reminds me of what I think an out of body experience would be are looking down going...I cannot believe I am doing this and I can't stop no matter how hard I try. The key element to one of these experiences besides that there is no warning and no building up to it, is it usually involves tears...lots of them. It has only happened to me a couple of times.

Once it happened at a girlfriend's father's funeral. Judy was my best friend when we first moved to Concord when I was 12 and she was also one of my bridesmaids several years later. We spent a lot of time together and at each other's houses so of course I knew her dad, Norman, very well. I went to support Judy at his passing and everything was just fine until they had us walk up and past the casket. Judy was sitting in the
first row and the minute I looked into her eyes~ I burst into tears. I am not talking about wiping away a few tears but boohoo bawling. It was embarrassing and so over the top...I never cried that hard when my own father died. And that is probably the point. It was just something buried so deep and out it came when I least expected it.

Fast forward to yesterday in church. We had a wonderful Sacrament Meeting and the interim song, O Divine Redeemer, was sung by this amazing young woman named Lindsay Leininger. She has an incredible voice~kind of like Charlotte Church~only better. I don't think she had sung the first phrase when the tears started, not rolling down my cheeks, but squirting out of my tear ducts. Her voice is just s
o angelic and powerful and her gift is being able to convey her testimony of Christ through the spirit with this amazing vehicle~her vocal cords. Now sacred music moves me to tears often, but the thing that made yesterday so unique was it touched me so deeply that I was still at it at the end of Sunday School two hours later. I just could not shut off the faucet connected to my heart. Fortunately the tears did stop squirting shortly after she finished the song but I continued ad infinitum with the sniffling and drippy eyes. Regaining composure was exhausting!

When she was singing I was thinking about the way her voice is just made for singing in a European cathedral~it was absolutely divinely beautiful. It was a pivotal point in my adding this song to one
of my all time favorites, and it was a reminder to me of how important my testimony of the Savior is in my life. What a blessing to be able to use a gift like that to touch others so deeply~I admire Lindsay for not hiding that talent under a bushel and for being willing to serve in a way that blessed so many yesterday.

I found out after church that she is leaving for FLORENCE to study music on Friday. Lucky Lindsay, lucky Florence~they are in for a treat!

I am not sure why this happened to me yesterday but perhaps it stemmed from a deep gratitude and love for my Savior, and our family. Today is our Temple Sealing~Family Anniversary. 29 years ago today our eternal possibilities became a reality.
Happy Family Anniversary
Jim, Jen, Chris, and Laura!

I love you!
(yes, it is a kiwi)


Julie said...

Sis. Mattson for me I believe these times are when the body and spirit are completely in sync. It is one of these times when we get a glimpse of the way our Father in Heaven feels things. Its pretty cool to be able to experience these aha moments.

laura.elizabeth said...

Thanks Mom and happy "eternity" to you too! I can't imagine my life without the my family and the gospel that binds us together. Thanks for all of the sacrifices you have made to make it all possible. I love you!